A Few Things

I'm here, you're here so let's do what we came to do. Well you read & enjoy because since I wrote it I know what all it entails. So you sit and enjoy!!!! Catch up with y'all later.



There was a phone book sitting outside the crib the other day when I got home. If I wasn't 31 I don't think I would of known what it was. Saw teenagers walking past it like it was a pile of orange dog shit. Had the "what theeee fuck" face mixed with the long division face. **GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR** Quickly divide 639186 by 9654 in your head!! See the face you made? That's how they looked. Think I heard one of 'em said they took a pic and were going to put it on Instagram to see if anyone could guess what it was. I was hesitant to pick it up and take it inside. Thought it was some Candid Camera shit. Yes, I said Candid Camera and not Punk'd. Whoa, I caught myself. Almost let the ADHDNESSNESS get me. I karate chopped it right between the "D" & "NESS." SOOOOOOOYYYYYYY!!!! I digress. Just don't see the need for a phone book anymore, unless you need to prop a door open or have a fucked up table leg. If you have a table leg that's fucked up the size of a phone book then I'm gonna just say you might need to invest in a new table. The moral of the story is to stop buying your shit from Ikea. 


There could of been some seguenessness but I would of had to reach and stretch somewhere up there for that shit. So, that won't be happening ladies, gents and goldfish named "Sammy." Jesus....fish....bless. Got it. When someone says, "Bless. You!," after they've been called a "bitch" or some sort derogatory slanderish evil nasty bad name. Its like Kryptonite to ignorant people on some real shit. They're on hold like, "Yea!! I'm gonna tell her ass!! Fuck with me & myyyyyy cable bill and I let you have it!! *-Hello, thank you for calling WEFKU Cable TV. How may I assist you today? --Yea, y'all been charging me for HBO for the last 3 months and I don't even have that shit!! -Well sir, I've pulled up your account and I see that you've --Fuck that shit!! You better credit my account or cut that check!! -Well sir, I can put you in touch with my supervisor and they'll --No bitch!! You're gonna -Have a nice day sir. --Bitch!! -BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU SIR!! He's sitting there like "Wh-wh-why would she said that?? I went to church last Easter!!" His day is shot now because he wasn't ready. But, sadly its the ladies who normally get called the derogatory slanderish evil nasty bad name. If a guy had it happen to him he might be compelled to say, "no homo" afterw--**THUNDER ROLL**..€€€¥¥¥££££..**LIGHTNING CRASHES** It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Wayman Archibald IV!! "Heeeeey there boy!!" 

**RAN|NAR--DOM|MOD--NESS|SSEN**: I hate catching myself being surprised when I find out certain shit still gets made. Its mainly cereals though. You know how you forget shit exists the instant you don't see a commercial for the shit?? I was at my boy's house a few weeks back and he had some Cookie Crisp cereal. I thought the cop finally caught the crook and that was it. Nigga went to jail and the company said fuck it. COOOOOOKKIIIIIE CRIIIIIISP has now turned into DOOOOOON'T RAAAAAAPE ME!! Locked up for taking the cookies. Ooooh wait, you see what I just did there? That was accident, but anyway yea I feel I have to walk down the cereal aisle just to see if some of my childhood shit is there. If the shit I was never able to get is still around I'm going to look at it, shake my head and walk away. I hope no one thought I said I was going to buy that shit. If someone wasn't spending their money go get it for me, why would I use my own? I'll just look at it as they knew what they were doing. Don't look at me like that. Its the RANDOM section, so don't act like you were supposed to read the algorithm for safe nuclear power or some profound shit. Shame on you!!!

A Few Things...

I know y'all already think I have mental issuenesses, so I'm not going to try and prove y'all wrong. I'm a pretty decent actor but out of the 8 x 4y ÷ 6x + R(2+ -6) people on my Facebook friends list I actually know a lot of them, so they would know its a front. I bet y'all thought I was going to try and make up some random ass equation again didn't you? Well if you did, you were correct. I was going to do one, but I said "NO!," then was going to copy & paste and delete some shit, but then I said, "NO!"


Speaking of the word "NO." Do I have to mention the segueness? I guess I just did. "You like that shit? You like that shit lil bitch."<--- strong="strong">(A sample of what Wesley Pipes' script looks like.) Anyway, when we really need something, the word "NO" isn't something we want to hear. Especially when it comes to a loan, sex, money, sex or just sex. There are non verbal "NO's" that exist too. You know the head shake, but when we're in the car our non verbal "NO" is a STOP sign or a RED LIGHT. Now, since you were thinking about sex and I was talking about driving, I'll tell you about a little game I play when I'm in traffic, which happens to be M-F from 7am-8am & 5pm-6pm. I call it "Larry Legend's Loving Libido License" plate game. I actually don't call it that, but alliteration felt right at the moment. I actually don't have a name for it. I just do the shit. Now for example, if I see a car with the tag "BWP 136," which is rare these days, but it could be personalized or it could random. I'll then try and to make it as perverted as possible. "BWP 136" could possibly be BIG WET PUSSY with a possible body count of a 136. Always go for the "ness" in that game. What "ness" you ask?? The "pervertednessness."

I had segueness once already, so we shall move on. We started, stopped and we're now starting again. Kind of like people who don't like dancing in public. They're the "in the house in front of the mirror dancers." Wallflowers at dances but are Soul Train dancers at home. Its funny if you ever see 'em doing a little two step when they thought no one was around. They'll do a little spin and that's when y'all lock eyes. Now, they normally finish whatever they were doing and roll out. Most people don't say anything to them, but fuck that. I ask some questions because they might have some secret life or just could be a good dancer. "So, what was that?  Practicing your routine for later tonight? You and your friends going on ABDC?" They aren't getting off that easy with me!! Not on my watch!! Well I say that because sometimes my windshield wipers remind me of the "in the house in front of the mirror dancers." You'll be in traffic, which happens to be M-F from 7am-8am & 5pm-6pm, and they get on beat with a song, but when you start singing along or become a steering wheel drummer they turn into that "in the house in front of the mirror dancer" and just get off beat. Look out for it next time. Hit my phone when you see I'm right!!


**R|A|N|D|O|M|N|E|S|S** will not be happening in this episode since I ended up with a damn theme. I guess it was 43.7% ADHDNESSNESS, 1/8th formatted, and 2/3rd cadillac coupe deville because 3 out of 2 people struggle with fractions. Anyway, I spoke of music in the last blicky because I just wanted to ask a question while not really wanting an answer to the question because I just wanted to say what I have to say. Anyone else mug your cd player when your shit skips? You're in the car jamming, your shit skips and you look at your stereo like it owes you money. You could of been using that cd as a coaster but if your shit skips its the stereos fault. It turns into a mood change like someone stepped on your crispy white uppies on the first day of summer. You could even plug in your MP3 player/phone and something goes wrong, its the stereo's fault not your battery drained phone.



I came, I saw, I wrote, I met your girl and we came. HIIIIIIYYYYOOOOOOO!!! No, I'm out of here folks, but I do have one confession. When I did that little bootleg equation up top. *We'll wait for you to scroll up real quick if you forgot.......you good? If not, tough break naaagga.* I finished it and I was like, "I hope my boy Marcus the Engineer, doesn't find a way to really answer that shit." SOOOOOOOOYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!