Scoob News

Good evening, I'm Anthony J. Scoobington, with WSCB TV.


 George Zimmerman, who gained notoriety when he fatally shot teenager Trayvon Martin two years ago, wants to pursue a legal career after his ordeal with the murder charges. He said he wants to become a lawyer to "stop the miscarriage of justice." His slogan will be, "I got off, so I can get you off!! Call me at 1-(800) I-DID-IT2!"


The Ethiopian co-pilot who locked the pilot out of the cockpit during the Ethiopian Airlines flight from Addis Ababa-to-Rome flight has been identified as 31 year old Hailemedhin Abera. He worked for the airline for 5yrs. He threatened to crash the plane if the pilot did not stop trying to get back into the cockpit. Abera, diverted the flight to Switzerland, landed, climbed out of the cockpit window and surrendered to police. While in custody he told Geneva police that he felt threatened at home and was seeking asylum. Upon hearing of his bold attempt, an anonymous source told us here at WSCB that "Abera loved weed, but he couldn't get to Colorado and he heard Switzerland had some 'good shit.'"


Reporting live from our Asian affiliate, WYAO, Ling Fuk Yu: Thousands of police officers have conducted raids in over 16 Chinese cities in the past week, detaining more than 1,000 suspects in the latest attempt to curb the country's illegal but booming sex industry. Prostitution is available every in China from side street barbershops to high end hotels. They say the biggest reason that prostitution remains a large problem in China is that police in cities take bribes to overlook the crime. A source who spoke on the condition on anonymity told us, "I look the other way all the time. They want to give $5 sucky sucky, then she pay have to pay me $10 to look other way."


From the folks at WSCB have a great evening and stay hydrated.

A FEW THINGS...

Let's talk about the Discovery channel for a second. Well, I'll talk you read. Say you saw it on there and people will believe you damn near regardless of the subject. Now you can't just jump in there though. You have to dip your toe in that pool. Got to plant that seed that you watch the Discovery channel and channels of that nature, so when you're ready to bullshit you have your shit right. A good resume will usually get you the job. That is unless your name is something Mah'lazhia Alize Smith. Then some issues might come into play. "Oh, dean's list all four years, graduated Magna Cum Laude, very interesting. We'll be in touch. Send in Kathy Jones. 2.3 GPA. HIRED." Shit!! ADHDNESSNESS got me. I'll own up to it. Anywaaaay, you have to be cool with it though. Letting people know your smart is the thing to do, but you need an edge on it. *TIME-OUT* If you didn't see what I did in that last sentence go look now, we'll wait for you. Lah, dah, dee, dah. Ok, if you didn't see it, maybe you need to step up your tv line up. No ADHDNESSNESS since I called for a "timeout," suckers! Ha! *TIME-IN* Its key that you have to drop the, "Yea I saw it on the Discovery Channel or some shit." "Or some shit," is that point at which it makes you seem down to Earth even if you're a jackass. All of those factors add up to give the pure bullshit seem like there's some possible truth to it. Let's recap: Actually watch the Discovery channel or shit like it. Tell people about what you see on those channels. Add in "or some shit" after you state your facts to make you seem down to Earth. Make some shit up and tell 'em you saw it on the Discovery channel, "or some shit." People will be there sitting talking some, "Oh I heard Discovery Channel does talk about some shit like that. 'Bout to have me watching that motherf*cker too."

Speaking of discovery, discoveries, and discoveringness things, let's talk

about deers & squirrels. Yea, there was a little seguenessness, but anywaaaay, everyday I'm on the highway so I see a lot of construction going on. I see that woods are getting destroyed and I think about how habitats for animals are just lost. Yes, fix your face, I have a heart!! Never thought I'd use the words, "destroyed" and "habitat" in a sentence after high school. Interesting, but I digress. You think the deers complain to the squirrels about how their habitats are being destroyed? I know a little something about deers and their habitats from tv. Saw it on the Discovery channel or some shit. But, let's put it out there, deers look like some whores. You see a deer and you're automatically like, "Aww its f*cking Bambi." That shit could be the size of a buffalo and you're like, "Come on son, you still got the Bambi eyelashes!! Look, you're mad and you're crying. Not attacking, but crying! Don't prance off!! Stay!! Baaatch!! Ha!!" The deer probably go cry to the squirrels asking 'em how they're going to deal with the construction since squirrels live in the trees. Squirrels are probably the smart asses of the animal kingdom. Apathetic to others and all about getting their nuts. See what I just did there? Anywaaaay, the squirrels probably tell 'em some, "Well actually we're cool because we'll just climb up in their roof as soon as the houses are finished. Tough break Bambi!!" Herds of deer mysteriously begin eating squirrels. Friday @8pm on the Discovery Channel.

**RAN|MOD|NESS|SSEN**: They don't say, "motherfucker" that much in rap as they say they do. "They" being the mainstream white socialist conservative tea drinking cocaine snorting media!! That was a stretch, but yea, just saying that rappers don't say it thaaaat often. Anywaaaay, I was headed to work the other day and Pandora was rolling out some good diddies. Nas' "If I ruled the world" came on and the light bulb flicked on. When he says, "open every cell in Attica and send 'em to Africa." You knooooow there's some guy in there on some, "Nigga I have 6 months left on a 18 month sentence. I'm in here for some traffic shit. Fuck that!! My grandmother was Dominican!! Dominicaaaaan!!!"

Scoob News

Good evening, I'm Anthony J. Scoobington, with WSCB TV.


Angry youths put up a burning roadblock outside luxury enclaves in Nigeria's commercial capital Tuesday as a paralyzing national strike over fuel prices and corruption entered its second day. Meanwhile, police said an Islamist sect killed eight people at a beer parlor in northeast Nigeria. The latter apparently was over the parlor not having Sam Adams Bean Pie flavored beer on tap or in bottle form.


The parents of Florida A&M band member Robert Champion, who died after a hazing ritual last November, said they will sue the company that owns the bus where the hazing took place. Champion's parents and attorney said Monday that the bus company's negligence contributed to his death. Fabulous Coach Lines owner Ray Land said his staff did everything to get help. Apparently, they did everything they could except drive to a hospital.



On Tuesday the Obama administration harshly criticized President Bashar Assad's latest effort to defend his regime's crackdown on protesters, saying it illustrates how unfit he is to lead a democratic transition in Syria. "He throws responsibility on everybody but back on himself," State Department spokeswoman Victoria Nuland said in Washington. If anyone has seen or heard from Victoria Nuland since her statement please call 1-888-HLP-MEEE

From the folks at WSCB have a great evening. Stay hydrated.