Monday, October 31, 2011

Scoob News

Good evening, I'm Anthony J. Scoobington, with WSCB TV.

A Taliban suicide bomber rammed a vehicle loaded with explosives into an armored NATO bus Saturday on a busy thoroughfare in Kabul, killing 17 people, including a dozen Americans, in the deadliest strike against the U.S.-led coalition in the Afghan capital since the war began. He apparently was supposed to strike a target 2 blocks away but crashed while tweeting this, " @Iblowmyselfand_u_up: Heading to th"


Presidential candidate, Herman Cain is having his past come back to haunt him. Sexual harassment claims from two women dating back from the late 90's have resurfaced during the height of his push for the Republican nomination. He was quoted saying, "I have never ever sexually harassed anyone." A source who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us here at WSCB that he later told them, "I didn't lie because I never sexually harassed them b*tches. I f*cked the sh*t out of them is what I did."




A drunken and naked driver damaged 12 cars in central Moscow on Sunday. The city police said they started pursuing the man after he ignored a road sign banning a turn and refused orders to stop. In the ensuing chase, the motorist nearly hit a school bus, rammed through a police vehicle and smashed several other cars before being caught. There's no need for a punch line due to this being an actual story committed by an actual dumb ass.


From the folks at WSCB have a great evening. Stay hydrated.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

A Few Things


Who likes that Chef Boyardee shit?? Well I shouldn't say "shit" because I definitely bang with the ravoli!! Buuuut, ravoli is a legit dish from the motherland. Italy that is. I know soooomebody scratched their head like, "Ravoli comes from Africa?! I bet it's Kenya, they have good food from what I hear!!" Yes, if you were the head scratcher just stop reading now. Oh, you're still here? Just going to be disrespectful huh? That's cool, that's cool. Hmph. ADHDNESSNESS!! Ha!! I said it before y'all could!! Daaaaah! Run tell it!! Run tell iiiiiit! Oh yea, where were we? Yes, I said "we" because you're reading it so we're in it together. Yea who eats Beefaroni? Chef Boyardee has that shit, but that can't be a dish from the motherland. Italy remember, not Africa. If you took a vacay in Italy and you sat down at a small little restaurant and ordered that shit, a chef might fuck you up! Come out the kitchen with an apron on and a butcher knife in hand trying to slice & dice your ass!! Shit, Olive Garden people might give you work. Either that or they have some fancy ass name for it that throw you off. You're looking at the menu like, "Oooooh that sounds tasty!!" Server comes out with your shit, and you got the long division in your head face like, "Motherfucker this is beefaroni!!!" Server-"Would you like me to take it back?" You-"Umm naw, it's ok." Soon as they walk away, you're like, "Maaaaan!! Beefaroni is my shiiiiit!!! I need some hot sauce!!"

Nope, no segue. I'm on segue strike. Just going to stop and go. Not going to force it on myself like a fat person eating that last piece of sausage. No homo. **THUNDER ROLL**..€€€¥¥¥££££..**LIGHTNING CRASHES** It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Wayman Archibald IV!! "Heeeeey there boy!!" AAAAAHHHHH!! It's Wayman!! Lock your ass and RUUUUUNNNN!!! Speaking of running, wait, did I just, naw, shit yea I think I did, but just naw, well whatever. Running, exercise whatever, I just want to inform those who are husky, buffalo back, chunky, nutritional overachiever or whatever you use to make ya fat ass feel good. When you start losing weight at a rapid pace because you've become serious about your diet & workout plan, people will tell you that you look good, buuuut when you leave, niggas don't think you're getting in shape. "Damn are they sick? Maybe they have cancer. They've been doing a lot of those 'Find a Cure,' 5K races, so maybe since they're sick they want to help find some shit out before they die. Maybe they got the die-a-bee-tees!!"

**ROMEO-ALPHA-NOVEMBER-DELTA-OSCAR-MIKE-NESSNESS** You ever been in traffic so long you make friends or enemies but they don't know it. The shit they do can make or break that bond you may develop along your course, your path, your destination, your detour your your ok yea I ran out of shit to use. Anywaaaaaay, they can do the dumb shit like random braking while they're nowhere near the car in front of them. You're in the car like, "That motherfucker keeps braking!! I bet they're on the phone! I bet they're on that fucking phone!! Get a blue tooth naaagga!!!" I just hate when they change lanes like 13 times in a 2 mile stretch. Motherfatherness, we're in traffic and we're going like 15mph, where are you going?! It could be like 5 miles you're like I HATE that son of a baaatch!! Or if you had a good time with them, but that's usually when you are moving. It's weird because you remember something about their vehicles. Color, dents, nicknames you gave them or by their tags. Be in the car talking some, "KBR119 yo!!! That's my partner right there!! Let's go!!!" Then you could see the non-blue tooth haver, "Man, random braking ass yo!!!!!" It's funny though when you see someone with dents and shit that's a traffic fuck up because you turn into one of your parents. "Yea, I see why your ass has all them damn dents. Non driving ass."