Wednesday, March 11, 2009

A LITTLE SALTY...

What's good family?

I usually try and steer clear of race issues but, they find me. Lol. Imagine there was a rap concert for a defunct rap group, let's say Wu-tang, that did a reunion show in NYC. I guarantee that if there was a drug bust at that concert then it would be all over the news. Well, apparently that did happen at a concert not too long ago. The group named "Phish" had a reunion concert Hampton, VA and police confiscated about $1.2 million dollars worth of illegal drugs from concert goers and 194 people were arrested.

$1,200,000/194 people=$6,185.57 per person. Now that would just be the average, so with all those drugs at a predominately white concert why didn't we hear about that? You know know over a certain amount they get you with "possession w/ intent to distribute" so I was just curious as to why I didn't see anything about people being sought on "kingpin charges".

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm

MY HIV/AIDS EXPERIENCE

What's good people? I know yall read the title like, "awww shit, what is his dumb ass bout to do now.?!?!" But, I was just saying wassup to all the HIV Negative people out there. But, do you know if u are? They say 1 out of 3 who has it, dont know they do.
I saw a commercial about HIV earlier it reminded me of a funny story. Well funny to me. Fuck yall. Lol.
When I was at Morgan State they had the free HIV testing. So I was a young male smut at the time, so me and my boys were like heeeeey why not...Better to know and spread the HIV around then spread it unknowingly..Lol..Just playing. But yea...we took the test whatever. Buuuuuut, because of the volume of people taking it...we had to wait like 2 days. The lady was like yall can come see on friday. My office is in such and such building...room such and such. So we were like Coo'.

That's when shit gets reaaaaaaaaaal. You think bout eeeeveryone u ever had sex with. You could be a virgin and you would get nervous. You would start forgetting about all that "cant catch it through casual contact" shit in a heaaaaaartbeat!! You think bout the time u gave ya spare change to a homeless man and you touched his hand. All that shit comes into play. You think about all the chicks u boned. U get to saying to yourself.."Like, I know shorty like that, but she looked clean". Lol. You go crazy. U really dont sleep...You get to checking all the sympton charts out and shit. White spots in my mouth? All up in the mirror. All that shit.

Friday rolls around...and we saw the lady walking to her office...she had her lunch in her hand...we cornered her ass like AIIIGHT WHATS GOOD WITH THOSE RESULTS?!!? Like some real Suge Knight type shit. RUN THEM RESULTS!! RUN'EM BITCH!! .....So she has about 10 stacks...maybe 20 pieces of paper per stack. She was like "If your papers arent here...then it doesnt mean you are infected, it's just that we had to send it out for some further testing." So, we're like aight cool...she starts going through her stacks and stacks...one by one...my boys...get their shit....like shit was funny when they had their shit..and she was on the 7th stack and my paper didnt pop up yet....like theeeeey were laughing, but im like haha aawww damn...imma kill me a bitch!! So shorty gets to the laaaaaast stack...by this time...i have bitten all my fingernails off...sweating out of pores I didnt know existed...I was like MY EARS SWEAT? ...I digress....Shorty gets to the LAST piece of paper in the LAST STACK!!! I have never exhaled so deeply...I think I almost collapsed a lung when I got the news...A brother was like wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
eeeeew!!! Lol, But as you see I'm here...still alive and well...SINGLE & DISEASE FREE!!

Oh yea...the moral of the story is..."Always put more syrup on the bottom pancake opposed to the top" Lol. But, in all seriousness, be careful for me aight...

3/10/2009

1) What's good family? When you read the word "family" do you think of the past? Like Charles Darwin type family and past. Lol. *Side note*, if you don't know who Charles Darwin is you should go play in traffic. Anyway, over in a zoo not too far from Stockholm there was a 31 year old chimp, Santino, that carefully planned out some shit. Before the zoo opened this bastard started walking around his enclosure collecting rocks and putting them in a nice little pile. So midday comes and you know how people just looooooove to go see the monkey's in the zoo, ol' Santino goes to his pile and started chucking rocks at the humans. Yo only hit a few people but, it was the simple fact that he planned ahead for it. "Tired of all these people coming to look at me!! I got something for their asses!!" The scientists were pumped because it shows primates are able to simulate certain situations and plan for them. Wild huh.

2) Oh shit!! Speaking of "planning ahead" I hope you all heard of this 51 year old woman from Cali? Her ass shall be planning for jail son!!! Lol. This heffa was a bookkeeper for a this company and she embezzled $9.9 million dollars from the company, which by the way caused 400 people to be laid off. Imagine if you were one of those people...1...2....3...Did you imagine? Ok, I assume you are a little salty but, wait until I tell you what this bitch had done with some of the money. *Ahem* $240,000 spent on 400 pairs of shoes..............$300,00
0 spent on designer clothing.....160 purses costing $2,000 a piece. She had a bedroom in her house remodeled to be a CLOSET, in which she had a chandelier and a 32" flat screen TV. They need to take MTV Cribs off the air!! Lol. She is in the San Diego County Jail being held on $10 Million bail.

3) JAIL!!! OK I was going to save this one for last but, transition, segue, etc started eating at me. Anyway, down in Florida this duuuuuuuuumb ass bastard was caught BREAKING BACK INTO JAIL!! Apparently, this dick head broke a door then climbed over a fence. I'm pretty sure you are sitting there like," Ok he got out!! Why did he go back?!" He went to a local store not too far away then STOLE some cigarettes!! The guards noticed the broken door and went looking for the inmate throughout the jail. They caught his ass breaking back in with 14 packs of cigarettes. 20 fogs to a pack x 14 packs=280 fogs. I hope he wasn't trying to be the man in the bing or getting some face for fogs. Yo, had a "Face for Fogs Foundation"...lol Anyway, he has 2 more charges added to his sheet. Breaking out of jail and stealing. I can only hold my head low in shame.

4) Anybody hear that 9-1-1 tape of the woman calling the police on her 14yr old son?!?! She was like,"I need someone to come get this boy!! He is extremely disrespectful, he won't listen to me, won't take out the garbage, and his grades are bad!! I am calling you now because if I have to call again about him you will be coming here for a 187!!" That's retarded!! For those not in "the know" of what a "187" call is that's the police's code for a homicide. Granted my parents were on that mantra of "I brought you in, I'll take you out" they didn't have to call the police. Shit, as a child I would have preferred jail. "Please officer, take me to jail!! Just don't take me home!!" Where has the respect gone? *Rhetorical so please don't attempt to answer* My sister, Gia, and I would joke around to our parents like,"beat us and we'll call 9-1-1!" and parents would say,"we'll save you the trouble, you won't have to call, we will take you down to the station and whip your ass there!" Fucked our joke all up. Lol.

3/9/2009

1) HIIIIYYOOO!! What's good ladies, gentlemen, thugs, thugettes, and those with identity crisis's? "Identify" is an interesting word that different people doing different types of jobs use. I don't know if you know this but, we almost died last week. Lol. Apparently this asteroid that was like 154ft in diameter missed Earth last Monday by 48,800 miles. When the scientists saw it in early February they identified that it wouldn't pose a threat. Damn all that!! Can brother get a little heads up to know that I might die. Damn.

2) I'm not too sure of the state but, I think it happened in Montana or some shit. Anyway, there was an elderly woman on a bus and when the bus driver and another passenger helped her off she was in danger. Her old ass was in the middle of the street not paying attention so the bus driver sprints off the bus, pushes her out of the way and got hit by the car that was about to hit her. When the cops showed up to the hospital the bus driver thought he was going to get some type of award but, was handed a ticket for jay walking. Ain't that a bitch!

3) Since I'm talking about bitches and police, I knooooooow y'all heard about the woman in Florida who called 9-1-1 while in McDonald's?! For those who haven't, shorty ordered that 10 piece nugget meal, paid, then was told they were out of nuggets. She told them nevermind and she wanted her money back. They said all sales were final and they could substitute the nuggets with something else, she wasn't having it. Shorty got erratic in the store and then called the police. She was told to leave and then received a citation for "misuse of 9-1-1". Daaaaaamn!!

4) For all those who gave up something for Lent such as red meat or chicken nuggets. Lol. In all serious though, how about really giving something up like, texting? The Roman Catholic dioceses called a ban on texting every Friday during Lent. How many of y'all would take that suffering? Lol.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

3/3/2009

1) Ladies, gentlemen, and children of all ages, I welcome you!! Been a minute since I did this so bear with me. It's like sex so I will get on it. Oh yea, "sex"...the guy in Russia who died of a heart attack after taking a whoooooole bottle of Viagra!! Two females bet him $4300 that he couldn't pipe them for 12hrs!! I have some issues with this. Isn't Viagra a prescription drug? Don't they say if you experience an erection longer than 4hrs then seek medical attention? So yo took 40 pills!! Bet you it was an open casket.


2) The Viagra issue about that long ass erection, no pun intended, is weird. Do they have a hotline? Lol. You know a man would NOT go to the ER talking about he popped that blue diamond and can't get rid of his wood. He would try and make up an excuse and shit. "Well my family doctor prescribed it for my hypertension because I don't need that all!!" Lol.


3) Sex. Sex. Sex. It's an attention word. "Free" is also an attention word but, I digress, do you know that one out of four teenage girls in the US has an STD. That is some wild shit considering one out of four people in the US are obese.
Math wasn't my strong suit so I might be wrong but, doesn't that mean one out of four people that is a teenage girl in the US is obese w/ an STD?? If she's eager to go out to eat and give you some ass be very careful, please!!

4) Being careful is always important. Now, with that being said did anyone hear about the guy who pleaded "not guilty" to that murder he committed last summer on a Greyhound bus?? Dude stabbed another man, beheaded him, theeeeen ate yo. There were thirty-six or so other passengers on this bus. I know we are an apathetic ass society but god damn!! How you look over at a human being STABBING then EATING another human being and you just change the song on your iPod. The man said, "God told me to do it." Ummmm I went to Catholic school and granted I'm not the most religious person anymore but if God wanted someone deaded he sent some shit for that person. There wasn't hired hit man. He told people to do some other stuff i.e. Noah, Moses, etc etc. Lol. Schizophrenic they say. Should of got some fig newtons if you were hungry brother.


That is all.