Wednesday, January 7, 2009

1/7/09

1) Que pasa mi amigos? What's happening all my fans, my players, my coaches, my GM's, and my agents? Oh shit ,"agents", tell me y'all heard about that real estate broker out in Chicago?! We all know there is a recession and the real estate market suuuuucks right now. Well yo worked for one of the biggest real estate firms in Chicago, so he had big money. Why did they find him Monday in his Jaguar?? Yes, he definitely killed himself and he was only fifty-two years old!! White people get in a little bit of trouble and say, "Fuck it!! My kids will get my trust fund when I die!!" and just commit suicide. Lol.


2) Hard times out there for everyone I tell ya. Outside of Philly there was a man living in a house's attic. Nothing weird about that right? Well, the house had a family that lived there. Lol. Yo broke in the house, and definitely was living upstairs. Like Brah' Man from Martin except he was live in. Lol. Tell me why he got caught on some, heading back up to the attic after getting some food. Lol. The mom and daughter were like, "He's wearing our clothes!!" Yo had on some sweats from the daughter and the wife's T-shirt. Luckily he was white, living in a white household because, yo would of got some hot ones put in his ass.


3) Oh damn, hot ones in the ass!! I'm hoping all of you are aware of the Gaza/Israeli jump-off. Around 688 Palestinians have been killed since December 27th, and damn near half of them were civilians. How about airplanes were flying above dropping leaflets that pretty much said, "MAD DOG IS A COMING!! I SAY MAD DOG IS A COMING!!" Can I get someone rolling through with a tank and a megaphone? I got to go outside where people are shooting and launching rockets to get a god damn leaflet telling me NOT to come outside. Lol.



4) You know what some desperate shit is? That woman in Florida who said that her 3 month old baby or some shit had been kidnapped. Come to find out that she never had a baby, shit, she was never even pregnant!! She did all that shit to get back a guy!! Yo left her, so she wanted yo back. Called 9-1-1 to report a kidnapping. She told dude his child was kidnapped. She had a baby picture of a out of town relative or some shit. Dude did man up though, he got salty like, "Why didn't you tell me you had a kid?!" but, he was by her side on the news asking for help. Pleading so he can see the child he never saw. Well, she got found out, now yo deeeeeeefinitely isn't fucking with her. Oh yea, she has been brought up on charges of "filing a false police report." Daaaah.
*autotune on* YOUUUUU LOOOOOSE!!

5) Speaking of dumb, I used to think dolphins were smart. That is until I read an article saying that the 16 bottlenose dolphins that swam up to a New Jersey river have either died or disappeared. Have you ever been to Jersey? They do call it "Dirty Jerz" for a reason. I don't even like the smell of Jersey. Textile plants out the ass, lol, just take me to Atlantic City and get me inside a casino.
I'm not getting in that water maaaaan!! Lol

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

1/6/09

1) What's good people with afro's, fades, regulars, perms, twists, dreads, and weaves. All races are included in that list of do's. Lol. But, speaking of races I was listening to the VP of my job have a phone convo. Lol. Yo was talking about skiing and shit. Just laughing his ass off, eventhough everything he said was so corny. Lol. Then, he mentioned something about his cousin and it hit me. That's something you rarely hear white people speak about, is their cousins. Weird thing is, every time I hear them mention their cousins they're old as shit. On some shit like," Yes, I'm going to meet my cousin that's like 60 for the first time while I'm going to my grandma's!" Lol.


2) Most people hit their family member's houses for the holidays and eat like crazy. Then the new year pops up and people want to make resolutions to lose weight. Damn shame that people even waste their time like that. Knowing damn well they started talking that "I'm gonna get sexy for the summer" shit. February comes and they start eating chocolates and shit. All downhill from there with cookouts and shit. Lol. They end up working out like the month of January and they might do a last minute attempt around May to get back on their "ready for summer" shit. Can I get some ready for ANY season?! Lol. 1 out of 4 Americans is obese. That's a 2008 statistic too, so you people better get to jogging or go get a Wii Fit. Lol.


3)Oh damn I just remembered something I heard the other day. This shit really truly hurt my heart. Lol. Did you know that 10 people per week are hospitalized while using the Wii Fit? Now you know if you are uncoordinated but, uncoordinated aaaaand out of shape. That's just a recipe for disaster. If you fuck your shit up PRETENDING to be exercising then maybe you just need to stay fat. Lol. Just eat chocolate covered donuts while power walking. Just hustle backwards. Lol.


4) Since I mentioned the word "backwards" I forgot to ask y'all about the co-worker I think is confused and gay. Did I ever tell y'all about him? Granted he is married and has a kid on the way, which by the way I swear is not his, but so was Cary Grant. That's another story for another day though. Lol. Anyway, its just little shit he says and does. Like the movie "Top Gun", which is one of my favorite movies. There is a part where the main characters are playing some beach volleyball and co-worker yo was like, "Man, Top Gun was a good movie but the thing that got me was the volleyball scene. It was cool that they were out playing volleyball with their shirts off and there was nothing gay about it. Just a bunch of guys having fun and sweating." I had that "did someone fart" face on. He always talks about losing weight. He flipped it to when he goes to the gym he sees these guys muscles and shit. Theeeeeen he started talking about how cool it is a bunch of guys at the gym can shower together without it being gay. Back to the "did someone fart" face.

Monday, January 5, 2009

TO THE IGNORANT RAVENS FANS...

STOP....


If you are NOT an "ignorant Ravens fan" this bulletin does not apply to you.



WAIT...


If you aren't sure what an "ignorant Ravens fan" is exactly.
Let's look at the word "ignorant" first off.
IGNORANT:(ig'no-rant) a.
having or showing little or no knowledge. So, yes I am about to address the "fair weather" ass fans who were not around last year. They were around for the 13-3 year but, I didn't see them last season. I know a shitload of Ravens fans. And the ones I know are the ones who still watched, still defended, and still talked shit about the Ravens.*Shouts out to Buck, Dino, Maine,Styves, Mike Love, Marcus P, Jizzle.* Hey 5-11 gives you 5 shit talking sessions over sooooooomebody. Lol. I digress, I bring up this bulletin because I am hearing the aforementioned "fair weather" fans popping up complaining about the NFL's pick for Defensive Player of the Year.
Those not in the know James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers won the award today , Demarcus Ware of the Dallas Cowboys finishing 2nd in the voting. They are saying that Ed Reed should of won the award.


Real football fans will not complain about it.
I have been watching Ed since he was at THE U so, I definitely know what the boy is capable of. But, would he have gotten 9 regular season picks without the defense putting pressure on QB's like they have? Real fans know the answer.


So for the dumb asses out there I am going to assist ya ass out.


James Harrison had 101 tackles...16 sacks...7 forced fumbles....1 interceptions

DeMarcus Ware had 84 tackles...20 sacks...6 forced fumbles....0 interceptions

Ed Reed had.......41 tackles...1 sack...1 forced fumble....9 interceptions.


Keep in mind 3 players had more sacks than James Harrison did. But, look at his contributions to his team. That's all I am asking.



GO...


Learn how to be a good football fan. I don't mind the Ravens at all. Just can't stand the ignorance. Real fans of the Ravens need to check the fuck ups. Because if a "non-fan" says something then they are hating. Lol. I greatly appreciate it.
Lol



WOOOO SAAAAAAAAAH!!

And if you got a problem with what I said, hit my inbox and we can talk football. Otherwise,
eat a dick. Lol



That is all.

1/5/09

1) HAPPY NEW YEARS old ho's, new ho's, males and females contemplating being a ho!! Yes, being a "ho" is for any sex. Lol. What comes to mind when I say "bigger balls"? How about "he's really stepped by grabbing some big balls" ? Lol. Granted I'm totally against saying "no homo" but, what if sportscasters said that shit? Lol. "When he takes it deep he really loves hitting his tight end. No homo." What would you do? Lol. Imagine John Madden saying that bullshit. "Then he took it deep. Boom! No homo.
"

2) Oh shit. Speaking of "homo" do you remember the site I posted talking about "singles with STD's"? Yes I asked the question wondering if they bone raw. Lol Two people with herpes boning with a condom. Lol. Anyway has anyone seen the ad's for "gay/PR marketing"? They're online but they mention getting your gay focused product out to the gay community. I know they have gay chat lines and shit but, gay marketing assistance? Like what? Vaseline? KY? Q-tips? Speedo's? Just wondering. Lol.


3) My homegirl works at a bar/restaurant. She was at work yesterday working a Christian Singles mixer. I was trying to get her to put some alcohol in their drinks. Lol. But, I have noticed Christian singles websites and shit. So, my thing is, what do they do? Just wondering like they go out on a few dates. After that 3rd date, "So, do you want to come inside for a little while?" Dude is like "Well, I suppose I can for a little while." All the while he's thinking like * yes!! I'm going to get some snuzz!! That Christian site paid off!!* They get upstairs and shorty is like "Make yourself comfortable on the couch, I will be right back" He's on the couch checking to see if his deodorant is still fresh, remembering if he took his drawers out the hamper or got on a clean pair. Just ready for some possible action. She yells out from the other room "I am so happy you decided to come up. I was wondering if you were going to be ready. I had to wait for atleast the 3rd date to try this." He is trying to play it cool like, "it's ok I'm a patient man." Probably quoting the Bible real quick. She's like "Mmm that's real good to know. Especially for what I have in mind." She comes out the bedroom with a 5,000 piece jigsaw puzzle and shit. Lol.
Juuuuuust mad!!

4) Speaking of being "mad", you know how you get mad when the weatherman fucks up? Sitting out like "They didn't say shit about no damn rain!!" They can fuck up all the time. Like you get a random one to two day fuck up grace period on any other job right. Well I say that to say this, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated on April 15th, 1865. Do you know what day the Secret Service was founded? April 15th, 1865. Lol. Talk about a first day fuck up!! Naw, they didn't start protecting the presidents until 1901. Thirty-six years later and shit. They were sitting around talking about old shit at work and Abe came up. Someone like,"Daaaaamn they shot the president!! Someone should protect them with their life!" Supervisor was like "Oh ok, you start tonight son!!" Lol. The "suggestion box" was probably started that day too. Lol. Don't let everyone know you were the one that fucked it up for everyone else. Lol.



5)Oh man. When I said fucking it up for everyone else. That little lullaby song, "Rock a bye baby"? Da hell? What's reaaaaally good with that song? Why is the baby in the tree? "When the bow breaks the cradle will fall. Down comes baby, cradle and all."That's comforting? Booooy I tell ya. Lol. Just going to let it fall yo? How are you at the bottom like,"Man I would of caught little Bobby but, that cradle was coming down too. I might of got hit.
" Lol