12/29/08

1) HAPPY KWANZAA,MOTHAFUCKAS!! Sike naw but, yea it has been a minute. Did y'all miss me? Because if not I will stop doing this shit if...................I'm sorry I told myself I wasn't going to cry. Had to gather myself.
Lol

2) Gathering one's self. I ask this question. Lol. Say you were at a member of the opposite sex's house and you had to use the bathroom.
You get in there then BANG all of sudden you realize you have The Hershey Squirts!! DUN DUN DUUUUN!! No problem you say but, as you get your squirt on you look over and realize. They're out of toilet paper!! DUN DUN DUUUUN!! What would you do? Lol.
Wipe your ass with your drawers then run to your car real quick to throw them away? What if you got picked up? DUN DUN DUUUUN!!

3) Remember when I told y'all that I saw a Korean BBQ on Rolling Rd? I still don't remember ever noticing it but, I know this is fucked up. Lol. There is a karate dojo attached to the restaurant. Lol. I know karate is of Japanese origin but, what would you do if you left your karate class one night, headed over to the Korean BBQ for some dim sum and your instructor is your waiter? Lol. Do you tip extra heavy in fear he might bust your ass next class? Lol.
Go hard, no tip!!

4) Oooh shit!! I forgot to tell y'all what happened Saturday night. Lol. It was at the 7-11 right next to the Korean BBQ. We were chilling at my boy's house drinking and what not. My boys planned on doing some late night gardening, so we went to get some snacks along with their necessary gardening needs. I'm in the back grabbing shit I intend to buy and what I wanted to get with my 5 finger discount. Meanwhile, my boy is at the counter ordering his gardening tools. So the cashier was an African man who got offended as to how my boy ordered. Imagine Eddie Murphy's voice in Coming to America or just any person you know that is African with an accent. Lol. "What did you say? You said 'swisher sweets, my nigga' I am not your nigga. I do not have to take that get the fuck out of my store." So my boy was like "So my money isn't good here fam? Come on my nigga just give me the swishers and stop acting like a bitch. Stupid mothafucka, stop bullshitting and give me the shit, bitch." The clerk was still on his high horse talking some, "I am not your nigga, I do not have to take this!! Get the fuck out of my store!" So, my boy has a violent past so I'm thinking to myself like damn he's gonna pop the clerk. Lol. My boy was like, "Man you work at fucking 7-11, you don't own this shit. I called you all types of bitches and mothafuckers and you are mad about 'my nigga', come on, and give me the damn swishers!! Next thing I heard was, "Grape?" Lol.
SOLD!!

5) Speaking of Africans(with accents) had to throw that out there before some people get salty with me. Did I ever tell y'all about the guy in Subway? Lol. I was getting my normal $5 footlong tuna. I was about to pay when this guy walks up and right after they guy asked how he could help him. The African man puts his hands on his hips in a superhero pose and says, "The $5 dollar sandwich, where is it?!" So the "sandwich artist" started explaining which sandwiches he could get that were $5. So after the spew the customer goes back to his superhero stance and said very slowly,"Ok, I want one!" I couldn't hold it anymore, I had just paid and I flew out the door laughing. Lol. I might have to record myself saying it so y'all can grasp it. Lol.

12/23/08

1) Sup son? Sup miss? Sup shorty? Sup yo? Sup B? Sup nigga? Sup bitch? Sup sir? Did I get everyone? If not, tough break. It's a cold world, life is rough.
I'M BROKE NIGGA, I'M BROKE!

2) Speaking of being "broke", I was reading the other day that the "light saber" from the original "Star Wars" movies that was used by Mark Hamlin's character "Luke Skywalker" was sold for $240,000 at an auction.
What happened to the recession for that motherfucka? Damn, just spending a condo on a prop?? I'm going to start lying to people, "Oh this is an original!! This is the same rug that Halle Berry & Billy Bob Thornton boned on in 'Monsters Ball'!!" Someone has to fall for it. Shit.


3)On the subject for falling. Did anyone else hear that Stevie Wonder will be on the next season of Dances with the Stars? I love Stevie because he is beyond talented. Now, with that being said, who would watch to see if he busts his ass? I know I'm wrong for thinking it but, I speak my mind. Lol. Its shot live soooooo yea, some mishaps are bound to happen. I hope it was a terrible rumor. Buuuuuuut, if not I will be tuning in.


4) Oh yea, is it possible to belch and fart at the same time? I said no. I know its lungs and stomach which are two different things. But, dude at my job said he could do it. I refuse to believe it. I think you would die. Lol. Just deflate and shit. Lol. Someone go for it with a witness so if you do die your name can carry on in the halls of science. Lol.


5) What is Figgie pudding? Lol. I don't know if you all pay attention to the lyrics of Christmas carols but, this one song they're like, "bring us some Figgie pudding" and they say that shit like eight fucking times. It's one of those songs that the carolers(SP) sing too. Real talk, you can get off my lawn with that shit. No one asked for you to sing, so stop asking for some god damn Figgie pudding.



6) More lyrics..."turkey and some mistletoe". So is that something you can eat too? I hope so because otherwise someone is talking about getting some "sleepy snuzz" because we all know turkey has that chemical in it that knocks ya ass out. Chick gonna wake up naked in the bed with a dude looking at her talking about some "hey baby!" Lol. How you give a chick some turkey then lay her down in your bed that has mistletoe hanging from the headboard.
GET'EM!!!

12/18/08

1) "Met her in a hotel lobby masturbating with a magazine." How do you open a song like that? Lol. God damn! What would you do if you walked into your hotel and saw that going down? Lol. "Baby come on up to #412 so I can help you with that." Lol.


2) A study was conducted by some Danish institution. A waste of money if you ask me but, you didn't. They tested 300 boys & girls to see which gender has the better taste buds. Apparently, the ladies can identify something as "sweet" or "sour" quicker than the fellas. Now with that being said, which lady wants to identify the taste my wang? I'm sorry I couldn't resist.
Don't judge me!!

3) Yes, "sweet & sour" I just noticed that there is a Korean BBQ restaurant on Rolling Rd right by the 7-11 across the street from Double T. How long has that bitch been there? Anyone ever had Korean food anyway? Sure it all starts with a cat, I guess the seasoning is different.
MEOW!

4) Why are older people so nosey? The old guy at my job who barely makes it to the toilet. He is nosey as shit. I was thinking if you are old as shit, wouldn't you want to mind your business? Just see some shit about to go down and grab that cane and get to moving. Lol. You know they see it about to happen. Seasoned veterans in the game. "Watch, watch, he's got a knife, and he's gonna cut that boy in the orange shirt. We got to get out of here!" But, noooo, they want to see it all go down theeeeen find out why it started and shit. I know the amounts of wild shit that I have saw over the past 27yrs have come by minding my business. Lol. Can't even imagine if I was nosey.
RUN NIGGA!! RUN!!

5) Speaking of being nosey, who remembers trying to stay up to see Santa Claus? Man, talk about FAIL. Lol. And your parents don't make the shit any better. Talking about some, "Yea we were up when he came. When he comes to black houses he likes real food, so I gave him some greens and potato salad. He had a beer with your dad, too." You sitting there with the dumb face like "awwww maaaaan, I always miss everything" Sucking your teeth and shit. Lol. Parents use that shit to their advantage this time of year. Let, you not want to eat those peas. "You better eat those peas, or I'm gonna call Santa and tell him not to bring your stuff!" That's that bullshit!! Lol.
The lies! The lies!

6) Anybody know or know of someone who always talks about working out or going to the gym? Lol. Saw this person jogging on the way home and I thought about someone I met. Talked about running for some miles. But they had that spare tire. Lol. If you don't go to the gym or workout like that you don't have to lie about the shit. Come on yo!! Lol.

12/16/08

1) BIRDWALK!! BIRDWALK!! WATCH ME DOOOOO!!! Lol. What's good family? WATCH ME DOOOOO!! Lol. Songs these days I tell ya. I will say that, that the beat to that song is hot. Other than that, ummm errr aaahh yea? Lol. Yo, anyone remember Billy Ocean? Lol. "Get out of my dreams, and into my car. Get in the backseat baby." Whenever I would hear that shit, I would be like, "If he likes her so much why does he want her in the backseat? She should ride in the front." Little did I know of methods of procreation or just pure adult fun. Remix: Watch me dooooooooooo//get in the backseat baaaaa--bbbbyyyy" Lol

2) For those that know me like that, know that COPS is my favorite show of all time. As much as I loved "MARTIN" and "THE CHAPELLE SHOW", nothing is as funny as COPS. For instance, the other night they had some oooooooold ass episodes on. Cops were carrying revolvers and shit. Lol. Anyway, this woman got her ass beat by her boyfriend and called the boys. Straight up trailer trash, double wide, and shit. So, he's inside and the cops go in just to speak to him so they could get his side of the story. He kirked the fuck out. It took 3 cops to wrestle his ass down. The whole time, she is in the background like "Stop baby, don't fight them baby. Don't hurt him!! Leave him alone!! Don't fight them baby." Just flip flopping and shit. So,
they get his ass in the car finally. So one cop starts telling her where they are taking him and shit. So, she was like, "Did you have to beat him up like that?!" If you could of saw his face!! His mouth dropped and this is exactly what he said, "W--W-W-What?!? We weren't gonna let him hit on us like he hit on you!" This dumb bitch runs up to the car window like "Do you want me to get you out baby?" He was like, "NO PAY THE RENT!!" Lmaoooooo

3) Paying the rent. Mailing letters. Since it is Christmas time and shit. There are a shitload of kids sending letters to the NORTH POLE courtesy of SANTA CLAUS, right. So, what do they do with all the letters? Do they get recycled? Burned up? Opened up and laughed upon. "Dear Santa, My name is Johnny and all the kids tease me in gym class. If you could bring me some Lebron's I could run really really really really fast and jump way way way way way higher than all the others. So please bring them to me. Love Johnny"....Perhaps Johnny needs to stop eating Twinkies all day and he won't have those troubles. Daaaaaaah

4) Troubles? Let me ask you all something. Do you remember when you got potty trained? I'm pretty sure all of you said, "NO" due to the fact it was sooooooo long ago. So that means you know when your ass has to go to the bathroom whether it's a 1 or a 2. I say that to say this, there is a man at my job. Dude walks slow as fuck. Like he is only 50 or so but moves like he is 75. Lol. He moves slow except when he has to goooooooooo numero dos. This dude will go flying by you. Stall door gets slammed, you hear a belt buckle, and then what sounds like a single engine airplane trying to take off. BRRRNNN BRRRNNN BRRRNNNN. LIke, I mean doesn't even sound like homes has a chance to sit down. Lol Now if you walk slow as shit....why would you wait until the last minute to go handle business. You clean up before you company gets there, not when they knock on the door. Lol. That's all I'm saying.

5) For those that read my HOLIDAY EDITION of "A FEW THINGS..." noticed about when I spoke on the white people on the dance floor. Now, as I was out there cutting a rug with the pale riders, I got to thinking. You know how we look at them like "Daaaaaaamn they have noooo rhythm at all" What the fuck are they listening too??!?!" Do you think they look at us thinking the same thing? Lol. "Dude, what is that guy doing? Doesn't he hear that awesome guitar riff? He must be tone def!! And look at that chick, she's got a big ass and she is just moving it all around. Let's go take some shots!!" Lol. Just wondering. Daaaaah




That is all.

12/15/08

1)HO!! HO!! HO!! Chello slackers and overachievers. The inspiration for this edition came while at my sister's holiday party for her job. There were a good thousand or so people there. It was held at a hall out the fairgrounds.
So you know that shit was huuuuge!!

2) Oh damn, speaking of "huge", there was this woman who works with my sister who is like 6'3" easily. She had on some damn heels on too. But, she wasn't just tall she was wide. Lol. Like, she looked like a WNBA center. Lol. Just on the block snatching boards. ROOOOAAAAARRR!! Lol. So, apparently she is into the whole "stripper aerobics" thing. Now I heard it works and shit but, my concern is the POLE. Like what size pole does she use yo? How you get denied entrance because they don't have access to a firehouse pole. Lol. Another thing is apparently she speaks on it a lot. Like the convo could be about last night's game and her she comes with the, "Its funny you mentioned the game because at my STRIP-AEROBICS class I ..." Yea, she's that person that turns up the volume on the part she wants people to hear. Lol. She might wanna get a refund because the results are at a minimum, IF any.
Lol

3) What not to wear to a holiday office party was a key issue Saturday night. Now, from those who saw the pictures I had on a suit and my sister had on a nice dress. A lot of people had on suits and shit. Now, this is when shit gets iffy. Lol.
I saw chicks in there with dresses barely covering Le Cat and guys wearing jeans, construction boots and a regular shirt. This is a big ass company that's in w/ the Dept of Defense. Lol.
So, you have no slacks? Damn!! Lol

4) Speaking of just being wrong at an office party.
The event had an OPEN BAR!! Oh yea, so you know daddy took advantage of that shit, yet I was cool not to be that guy. But, to those that worked for the company they weren't being careful. I'm talking about friiiiieeeed!! My sister said "hi, how are you?" to this one woman and her first words were slurred and she said, "I've got a designated driver" I would ask my sister "Does that person work at your company?" She would say, "yes" and I could only shake my head. Lol. I'm like do they know they have to go to work on Monday? You know it's bad when you walk into work and people stop talking when you walk by. They point and whisper. Lol.


5) Speaking of pointing. I was doing a lot of pointing. Oooooh look at him!! Oooh look at her!! Daaaaamn. The three things that make for great entertainment at any function are 1)Alcohol 2)Music 3)White people. The party with no inhibitions They just let loose!! Funny that they know the words to any and every song. Lol. "..dancing off beat but, they know the words to my shit" was the theme all night. Speaking of "all night" I will say that I believe in a few months a few lady employees will be looking into that maternity leave because of the OPEN BAR and OYSTERS which were one of the hors d'oeuvres AKA "horse divers" Two bad ideas because we all know what alcohol does to people and oysters are an aphrodisiac.
Lol

6) If you are at a formal function. Dressed up in your "Sunday's finest" and there is a buffet style dinner please please please show some constraint and act like you have eaten before. Lol. This one heffer had a plate BEFORE she got up to where the plates were placed. My sister and I were like "How did she get that plate?" But, how about she had some strawberry flavored butter on her plate and she kept ranting and raving about it. Like, she might offer some face to get some more of that. "STRAWBERRY BUTTER?!? WHO DO I HAVE TO BOP OFF FOR SOME MORE?!" scratching and shit. Lol.
Leave that shit alone!!

12/11/08

1)Diddley diddley diddley diddley diddley diddley deeeeeeeee!! Lol. Who remembers that shit?! Heavy D big ass used to shake off. I remember my Nan seeing him on TV and was like,"oh, he can move for a big man." Lol.
Diddley diddley diddley diddley diddley diddley deeeeeeeee!!

2) So who got on their co-workers today if any of them called out yesterday? No one from my job called out yesterday so they were free from a few jokes. For those who didn't know, yesterday people called out of work in support of gay marriage. "Calling in gay" was the name of the movement. Look at ya, see if you paid more attention to the news you could of been gay for a day. Lol. How did that call out message sound? "Yes, I won't be in today, because I'm calling in gay. No Homo." Lol. That's the only time I see fit to say that dumb shit.


3) Speaking of "dumb shit", you know how every year people steal the baby Jesus from the nativity scene. Apparently, the churches have had enough because they are putting GPS devices in the Jesus statues. Lol.
Soooooo if you are feeling like breaking that "Thou shall not steal" commandment, just make sure you wear gloves and put it in someone's whom you don't like, like that backyard. Lol.


4) Oh yea, crimes. I thought about this while watching the news about the actor's brother, the other night. Ok, say you are playing "Russian Roulette" with someone but, you are using your gun. They lose. Do you get charged with a crime? Seeing how I don't fuck with regular roulette I know daaaaamn well I'm not playing that other game. Bitch ass Wesley Snipes talking that, "always bet on black!" I was in Vegas and I tried it. Hmmmppphhh. I see why he owed the IRS all that money. Fucking waiting for that BLACK to come up. Lol. I digress, if I did play "Russian Roulette" I would cheat somehow. Lol Fuck that, there are thrill seekers and there are stupid motherfuckas.
Which one are you?

5) You ever notice that people who talk about the weather the most are smokers? You see them walking by you like, "Man, it's cold as shit outside!!" My reply to them is, "keep your dumb ass INSIDE and that cold won't bother you." Junkies, I say, junkies. Lol.


6) Why is it when you speak to someone who is of a Spanish speaking country AKA gwalla's, they always say, " I don't speak English" when you speak to them? How do they know I'm not speaking German? Huh?! Bitches!! Lol. I only say something because the cleaning crew dude was looking for the mop. So I was like "you need the mop?" He shook his head yes. Then I told yo who had it. Then he got on that I don't understand shit.
Da hell? Damn gwalla's!! Lol

That is all.

Colloquialisms

I am confused about something.

Ok, granted I cut some of my words off. I change the spelling and shit. But, I am lost on something.


I know "ARD" means "aight", how that came about I have no clue but, I get it, I get it.
But, how in theeeee hell did y'all get "LOR" for "lil"?!?

Like, really I know we're a southern state and all but, say that shit outloud.
"LOR"....get the fuck outta here!!

That's that bullshit yo.



Black people, black people.
*sigh*

That is all.

12/10/08

) People is it what? One this different off starting. Sike, naw, just fucking around. But, today did seem a little ass backwards. Like, shit just didn't add up in Scoobert's World.


) The house in San Diego that was hit by that fighter jet, was owned by a Korean immigrant. His wife, his two daughters aging from 6 months I believe to 15 months, and his mother-in-law. He said he understands about the pilot and he isn't not mad at him. Well we all know shit happens but, you can definitely tell he hasn't been Americanized. You know damn well someone from here or that was here for a minute would be trying to sue everyone. The person flying the plane, the muthafucka who put fuel in the plane, the guy who works in the air traffic control tower. Lol. I think he wanted to run off with his mistress, hence why he wasn't too mad. Lol. Yo was like "*phone rings*Hello? What?! A plane crashed into my house?!! My family is dead?! Noooooo!!" Yo was like "wow, now I don't have to kill them myself." Lol. That's fucked up but, hey its possible. Don't judge me, damn it.


) -Speaking of judging. I do not judge. I may make some observations and speak on them but, I don't condemn anyone. Lol. Now that I said that I want to congratulate all of those phonetic spellers out there. That's when you spell a word the way you hear it. You know like "fone" "eze". Anyone ever switch words because you can't spell some shit? Lol. Caught myself doing that the other day. Was too lazy to look it up so it got switched. Lol. "Excl...execl-...Exacl...happy" Lol.


) Lol. Yo, right now take your right hand, put your fingers together (like a karate chop) take your thumb, while keeping your other four fingers together, and have it rest on your palm. If you look at the top of ya hand it should look like you have no thumb. Did it yet? Take a second or two, it's not hard. Lol. You see it? Tell me why my supervisor scratches his ass like that. Lol. We caught him doing it once and were like "what the fuuuuuuck is he doing?!" But, now we always see yo doing it. I named it the "Reagan Salute". My co-worker was like "Reagan?" I said "Yes, Reagan, salute to crack" He said "oooooooh"But, it's really weird because he does it while talking to you and shit. Lol. His hand will be behind his back as he faces you, and you just see his arm going up and down. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING BACK THERE!!! Nasty bastard!! Lol.


)Does everyone know what "Coprophilia" is? Lol. I just thought about it when talking about yo doing the "Reagan Salute". Someone who suffers from "Coprophilia" is called a "fecalphiliac", which gets off on shit to break it down. People like that do exist. Like getting shitted on, shitting on people, getting sexually aroused seeing someone shit. Lol. Now, imagine that star you always wanted. What would you do if they asked you to shit on them? Oooooh you're disgusting! I don't even need to knw your answer. Sick bastard.


That is all.

12/9/08

1) Hiiiiyyooo taxpayers, church goers, bootleggers, backsliders, virgins, smuts, and all around do gooders. I wonder who made that term up. "Do gooder" Lol. Someone who got flustered by a person who was shitting on them. Lol. "Well you obviously don't know what you're doing Tom, and my way is better." "Ok, well fine, go ahead and do it your way you you you do gooder!!" "What did you call me, Tom?" "Yea,you heard me!! Damn do gooder!!" Someone caught their exchange and it was born. Everything goes my way in my little world. Lol.


2) You have heard of people "spontaneously combusting" right? I was thinking about that yesterday and before it jumps off you think they start sweating a lot or some shit? Lol.
If so where are their friends when shit goes down? Just strolling down the street and ya friend looks like they are shitting on themselves then B A N G flames!! I heard its not actual flames because it's inside your body. But, still that's some wild shit. If someone in a wheelchair caught on fire, provided you had a wang would you piss on them to try and put them out? Not so sure that "stop drop, and roll" shit would work. Especially if you get literal with it. Lol. I'm sorry.


3) This recession is a monster yo!! I knooooooow y'all heard about Fantasia and her crib being foreclosed. Actually, I heard its her "main" house. The $1.3 million house NOT the $740,000 house. Wheeeeew what a relief. How you have 2 houses in the same city? Can I get you saying, "I'll be back next week, I'm going to my house down in ______." No sir, yo said, "I will be back tomorrow I'm going to my house across town." *sigh* my people my people!! Lol.


4) Oh shit!! Speaking of recession. Lmao. Pleaaaaaaaaase tell me y'all heard about the Governor of Illinois?!?! Well, since Brother Obama won't be fulfilling his job as Senator of Illinois, with good reason of course, but I digress, thiiiiiis Muthafucka was attempting to sell the seat. Like, "Psst. Psst hey son. Psst. I got that other seat. What's good? Give me $1 million and I can nominate you!!" Lol. So he gets knocked and the Lt. Governor can't take over!! Why, you ask. Because they're in jail for some other shit!! Lol.
God damn!

5) Have you and/or ya co-workers ever made up a nickname for another co-worker and damn near called them it? Lol. Shit happened to me the other day. Remember dude I told y'all about who wanted to ship an order to Korea FedEx GROUND? Lol.
Well we call him "sauceman" because he is always lost in the sauce. Like I mean state certified stupid. He should be in a special building that takes trips to Chuck E. Cheese, Wal-Mart, or the zoo. You know somewhere like that. I am beyond confused how he got a job but yea, I needed something real quick and I was like "Hey sauceman!!", daaaaaaaaaaaam. Lol. I made up a song real quick. That's how I know his ass is dumb as fuck. We say "sauceman" all day amongst each other, yet he stays where he is, smiling and talking to himself or "thinking outloud" as he calls it.


That is all.

12/5/08

1) What's good family? You know I don't get at all on Friday's but, I figured I would give y'all one before the weekend. Seeing how we're all stuck at work for a few more hours. Lol. Ladies text me some nudes. Lol. Of yourselves, though. Fuck around and find pics of old fat white women and shit.
Lol

2) Breaking news!! Lol, O.J. Simpson's dumb ass. 18 years yo for armed robbery and kidnapping. He should of known better, no negro can beat the system twice for some serious shit. Lol. Murder? Murder, my nigga! Eventhough he got dicked on paying that $35 million, but I could do a whole bulletin about that. Lol. 8 on 12 so, that's 12yrs give or take a year. Lol. Damn shame.


3) On Rolling rd this morning I was at the light where Rolling & Security cross. I noticed on the right hand side of the street there is a house with 4 damn satellite dishes. Can I come over and watch tv with y'all? God damn.
Lol

4) Speaking of Rolling rd I saw possibly the worst "bowl cut" ever!! This nigga had the nerve to have that shit greased down too. Lol. I was dying laughing. Lmao. Like imagine a mix between Jim Carey in "Dumb & Dumber" and Denzel in Malcolm X when he had the lye in his hair...loooool

5) Y'all heard about that cruise ship that hit the ice? Shit is like 300 some miles off the coast of Argentina right. Hit some ice, although it's not in danger of sinking. It's losing fuel and shit. Don't even want to know how you don't see ice floating in the water. But, you think those people will get their money back seeing how they have to be flown back home. I would be stealing shit like no other. Lol. Mine, mine, miiiiiiine!! Lol.


That is all.

12/4/08

1) HO! HO! HO! 'Tis the season, bitches!! Velvet red suit with a fur collar? God damn, that man is sharp. Pimpin' ass yo! Lol. Naw, Santa was a pimp on the sex offender list. That whole "sees you when you're sleeping, knows when you're awake" is a bit much for me. Watching those young boys & girls, coming to drop presents off on the late night creep? Naw, fuck all that. Lol. Wait, a "captain obvious" person wrote that song. "sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake" Think about that line. Lol. A dummy probably wrote it then a friend had to fix it. "No Rick, just seeing you when you're sleeping isn't enough. He has to know when they're awake because that's when they are naughty or nice. Oh I just thought of another line!" Lol. Wish I was in that recording studio that night.


2) Speaking of children, what's good with that 1st grader bringing a knife to school to rob a classmate? God damn!! Whaaaaaat the fuck are his parents doing? We know what they aren't doing. Lol. Those are the same parents who fuss with teachers because their kids are bad. "Bitch, you birthed them! They had a good 6 or 7 years with you before they met me, so you need a mirror!" Lol.


3) So I was reading CNN. COM today and I saw this short story about this solar powered car. Apparently, it traveled from Switzerland to Poland, to some Earth Wellness Convention. Ok that's cool and all since they were promoting that "green" technology is ready. It went 32,000 miles in 17 months. So, I guess it rides on top of the water, too. Lol. That's all I have to say about that. You should know where I could go with that.
Lol

4) Oh yea, speaking of water. I'm random, y'all know that. But, yea a M.C Hammer song popped in my head the other day, "Soft & Wet". I was like woooooow because I remember being like 9 or 10 years old singing that song having NOOOOO idea what the fuck it meant. Lol.


5) Wet. Saw a Flomaxx commercial. For people that have trouble going to the bathroom. They started naming the side effects and I got to thinking about all medications. The one for social anxiety disorder might be the worst. Lol. Diarrhea!! I take a pill because I'm scared to be around people then I have to run to the bathroom because I got the Hershey squirts!! Oh noooo!! Lol.


6) Disorders and shit. Did y'all know the 3rd leading cause of death of people between the ages of 15-24 is suicide?!?! I lost my virginity at 16...snuzz and making money was what I was about. Yes I have had my rough spots in life but killing myself? Shiiiit!! And these people are doing all wrong. Poison and shit, man go hard. Blow yourself up!! Sike naw, do what I do, whenever you feel down just sing a song. Not some Kurt Cobain shit..lol. Get some Michael Jackson popping off.
Sing it loud and off-key!!

7)Before I end this I forgot about the bomb thing. Dudes attempted to rob a bank. They had one guy go in the bank acting like he got kidnapped and forced to go in the bank. Had a bomb around his neck. Apparently, he found out it was real at the last minute. Yea, he blew himself up. Lol. Anyway,one of his partners knew it was live and said NO SIR!! But, he got sentenced to 55yrs today.
B-B-B-B-BOOOOOM!!

That is all.

12/3/08

1) Bad girls, bad boys, ladies who are stuck up, fellas who are in need of ego stroking, and down to Earth people, damn it I say "Hiiiiyyooo!!"

2) You ever hear of that shit, "no sire, Bob!" It's pronounced like "sir-E". I was joking around at work this morning and I said that shit. Then I was thinking(something you all should be doing) where did that shit come from. And do you think the event that inspired the phrase was aimed at someone named Bob? You know they were salty as shit when it happened.
Bet they were angrier the secooooond time they heard that shit. At dinner and shit, and someone across the restaurant said that shit. How you put ya fork down and storm across the restaurant to go throw a drink on someone. Lol.


3) Know what I just thought of? Remember at the end of "Charlie & The Chocolate Factory" when Willy Wonka shitted on Charlie and Grandpa Joe? Lol. That might be worse than the "No sir E, Bob." Yo was like, "Good day sir........good day sir!!" I say OUCH!! Lol.


4) What if you helped someone move, right. Like helped them box up shit, loaded up the truck, put shit in your car, then helped unload shit. A few weeks later they have a house warming or gathering. How would you feel if they asked you for a gift? Lol. Talking some,"Any little thing can help.
Thanks!"
motherfuckas, I moved a couch and some mo' shit! Lol.


5) Speaking of dumb things to say. You think any white people will try and pull the race card now? Lol. You know how niggaz try that lame shit. But, they might give it a shot. "Man, this black man is trying to hold us back!!" As they get into their S550.
Lol

6) I ever tell y'all about a random ass night at Moby's down Fells Point? Granted I don't fuck with Fells Point but, we were down Moby's one night. Having some drinks, rubbing on some biscuits. You know. Lol. But, yea there were a few Marines in there that night.They weren't noticeable jarheads but our asses knew. They were doing the same as we were. So apparently there were some regular niggaz in there. The DJ shouted them out and shit. They had on long tee's and biiiiiig baggy ass jeans. This was like this past summer. Lol. I digress, so the Marine guy bumped into the regular nigga. The Marine guy was partying so he was like, "oh my bad." I guess the regular nigga was feeling himself since he was in a familiar place, 'cause he went off. "Naw yo, you don't know who the fuck I am!! You will get fucked up in here!" Meanwhile, some chick that knew the regular nigga was trying to pull him away from that. He was like 6'3 or so and she was small as shit. But, she moved him. Hmmmm. Anyway, the marine guy was looking at the regular nigga while he was wilding. Waited for him to finish fussing, finished his drink, wiped his mouth and said, "Outside.", then headed outside. The regular nigga wasn't being held by the chick anymore. Next thing I know, I see the regular nigga at bar ordering a drink. Oh, we boo-ed that nigga. Lol.



7) To those wondering why I used the phrase "regular nigga" to describe homeboy, because that's what he was. If you are out partying and you start a fight, then you are the meaning of the word. "an ignorant person" Lol. Non-fighting, no heart having bastards. Lol. Don't have beef outside the party then mass up when you get around some people. Lol. Hence y I say I have never seen a "hard gangbanger" See someone with a blue flag hanging and you're a blood. Go fight yo. Lol.


That is all, before I get up on my soapbox.
Lol

12/2/08

1) Que Pasa? What's up? Hello! Howdy! Sup nukka?! Anyone ever notice that "how you doing?" means all of those above things? Like people don't want to know and don't want to say just "hey" or "hi". They might combo it though, "hey, how ya doing?" and they keep moving. Lol. Someone is going to fuck around and answer. Just following ya ass talking about some "Shit, I'm glad you asked because I wag-...." STUCK!!! Don't get mad, technically you asked.
Lol

2) Why did this guy from my job fall for the "La-a" joke? For those that don't know it, just tell ya friends/co-workers that you saw someone with the name La-a, and you asked about how it was pronounced.
They told you La-dash-ah and that the "-"(dash) isn't silent.
Now in these ghetto fabulous times, I wonder if any hoodrats have ventured out into the realm of THE LAND OF NO JOB INTERVIEW PHONE CALLS...Hmmmm...save a future people, go in the Bible if you want a name with some spin on it. Lol. Talking about, "It's African for 'morning sunrise on a waterfall', okaaay." Lol. Oh shit, lmao.."it's African.." they're definitely like 100 languages over there in the Motherland. Good luck with that.
Lol

3) Speaking of foreign shit. The other day in Baghdad, Iraq a suicide bomber took out 30 people and wounded a good dozen or so. Now the people they attacked were recruits waiting to go into the police academy. So my question is, to the ones that were just wounded lightly. You think they will still want to be cops? Cats talking some, "Man, fuck that, I'm going to take this as a sign from Allah and go to dental school like my mother wanted me to!" Lol.


4) To all the church-goers out there, y'all don't have shit on the "double Muslims" as the funniest man ever to walk this Earth called them. If you think that blowing yourself up and taking a few people with, will get you a prize you can have it. Lol. Thing is they think they will have like 78 virgins waiting for them in heaven. A couple niggaz right now opened up another tab, searching for some TNT. Lol. Talking about SIGN ME UP. That's why you don't see any female suicide bombers. Don't no damn female want 78 virgins. That's hell. Lol. "No. Higher. Right there. Ok wait slow down. Oh, you're done?" Looooool. One down, 77 more to go. Lol.


5) If you get in an accident of some sort and you lose a testicle or both. Do you think they would give you something to put in there? Lol. Just walking around with an empty sack. They have to have some type of plastic pieces they can throw in there.
Lol

6) People with Christmas lights and shit all over their houses and front lawns. Do you think there are any people who plug that shit into their neighbor's outside outlets? I know I would. Lol. Fuck around and hear your neighbor cussing out BG&E because their light bill is $366 more than what it is supposed to be.


7) Y'all remember Karate Kid II? Lol. Daniel, son goes to Japan with Mr. Miyagi. Mr. Miyagi's "nemesis" has a nephew who has some beef with little Daniel. This guy is a top student, trains Army MP's. Just a bad ass. Daniel son is 150lbs soaking wet with Timb's on. Dude fucks him up the whole movie, but that last scene....lol..Daniel has the heavy hands. Just got the Kimbo punch all of a sudden huh. Lol. All action movies do that shit too. You fuck everyone up, shoot everyone up. You get to the H.N.I.C., and you're out of bullets, and forget how to fight. Lol. And they wonder why I don't bang with too many action movies anymore. John McClain & Jason Bourne...all you need. Lol.


That is all.

12/1/08

1)Skippers, scrappers, bizzles, nizzles, and Latino's. I say welcome..been a minute, so let's get to it.


2)Yoooooo, shorty dying on black Friday at Wal-Mart! She will be a ghost haunting the Earth. I used to work retail, so daddy knows about getting to work dumb early. Hated that shit..lines of people before the store opens. Go home, make a turkey sandwich. God damn, but yea I know shorty already didn't want to go to work. Got to work, only to get trampled to death. That's that bullshit. Lol. Ghost of Wal-Mart and shit.
Can people get charged with that shit?

3)Oh shit! Speaking of getting charged, dumb ass Plaxico Burress. If you make $117,000 a game, why don't you hire someone to carry the tool? If I make that kind of money I'm going to have someone powder my nuts when its too hot outside. Lol.



4)Why are you going places that you need a gun, let alone walk in with the shit. Lol. We didn't get checked at the 'Dox but I didn't bring shit in there. I left my shit in my pocket one night going in Choices. I walked through the metal detector and got patted down. I see the detector didn't work and the pat down was horrible.
I reached for my wallet and was like "oh shit, my knife!"

5)Lol. On a lighter note, we were talking about clubbing earlier today. And my random ass asked what if guys could get pregnant. Could you imagine that shit? Do you think chicks would get mad niggerish? "That ain't my baby! I made you put on a condom so don't even play!" Lol. Seeing niggaz on Maury talking about Keisha you ARE the mother! I told you! I told you! I am not a grimey nigga! I loved you girl! Lmao.


6) You know how people always holla out that you need to slow down or it's going to fall off? What if that shit was possible? Could you imagine? Yo would be in the bathroom and ya meat just falls in the toilet. Would you call 9-1-1? Or just roll up to the ER with ya man candy in a bag of ice? Lol. Talking some, "I got the pysphillghonamidia!! Help me please, help me help me pleaaaaaaaaase!!" You know there would be that one dude trying to holla at a chick working at the hospital. "Baby when I get my stitches out you trying to chill or something?" Lol.


That is all.