A Few Things...

Y'all remember having to have to clean your room. Read my last sentence out loud please. Sound weird to you? When I was typing it, I had the "long division in my head look" going on. A little ADHDNESSNESS, but I digress. What was I talking about before y'all interrupted me about some damn possible grammar issues?? Oh, yea, cleaning your room. Hopefully, no female really had that issue. Messy room young ladies turn into the ones who take nude pics with shit laying all over the floor and bed. You're looking at the pic like, "Damn she's phat!! Man!! She has some big titties, she has a rack of ass, and she's....she's..she's got a got damn maxi pad wrapper, 6 sponge rollers and some candy wrappers on the floor. Is that a chicken box on her bed?! Maaaaan." **Cut to y'all 2 weeks later boning in the car, after you declined her invite to come inside.**  See what I just did there? Hehheheehhe into the HIIIIIIIYYYYOOOOO!!! Oh shit, ok that was A LOT of ADHDNESSNESS, but its not my fault. Anywaaaay, when I had to clean my shit, I was straight until my mother looked under the bed. I did the closet shit at first until she opened it and out came the shit I piled up in there. Thought I was slick with the under the bed move though. Mother's intuition or something caught me up. "This little negro started at 10am. Its 10:36am. There's no way."  Worst part was, she checked the closet and saw nothing. I'm thinking to myself, "Ha!! Fooled her!! I'll be out riding my bike around the neighborhood in no ti---why is she walking to my bed?? I made my bed, b-b-b-b-but why is she lifting up the sheets & blank--DAAAAMMN!!!" She would pull everything out too. Transformers & G.I. Joes all over the floor. Looking back on it, of all the times I made my bed, never did my blankets & shit drape over my bed and touch the floor. Thought I was on to something.



Tis no segue because my ADHDNESSNESS is running on F right now. I went with "F" due to gas prices dropping and me being able to get my tank up to the "F." My car wouldn't start for a second. It thought something was up and shit. "Oh, I know what this is!! You're filling me because you're about to trade me in!! I see how you look at those other cars when I'm taking you to work. I wasn't going to say anything, but I feel like this has gone on too long!!" I'm looking around so I don't look too crazy when I sit there and plead. "Baby!! I'm just able to fill you up because prices dropped. That's all it is!!" I struck the "please start pose" right before I turned the key. You know the one when you put your hand on the steering wheel at 12 o'clock, you lean in to the wheel, close your left eye real tight and tilt your head to the right. Soon as your car starts, you open up that left eye, scan your surroundings, look into & touch your rear view mirror w/o moving it and rooooooll ouuuuut!!!!





***SSENSSENMODNAR***: I was ready to actually segue into some shit, but I decided against it.  Didn't want the shit to have four little topics. Might not like the long ones. Wait, do I have to say "No h-o-m-o" there? I spelled it out because you know who might pick up on it. Don't want him to come for me because I mentioned long ones. Wait, do I need a "no h-o-m-o" agai----**THUNDER ROLL**..€€€¥¥¥££££..**LIGHTNING CRASHES** It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Wayman Archibald IV!! "Heeeeey there boy!!" AAAAAHHHHH!! HE CAN SPELL!!!!!!

Karazy

I don't know karate, but I know karazy. I'm guessing that's how you'd spell it since I mixed the word "karate" and the word "crazy" together. Anyway, before I go off on a tangent about spellingness and shit I'll stop it. ADHDNESSNESS you've seen the last of me!!!!!! Its true since Leon Eisenberg, said its a "fictitious disease." Daaaaaaaaah. I put the word "anyway" to begin this sentence but I had to delete it because I didn't want to start two sentences off the same way that were so close together.  Oh well, but yea about that "karazy" thing. I get called "crazy" all the time but I think that's just people's way to help deal with their lack of understanding. "He's unlike anyone I've ever met!! He's crazy!!" **SIDE NOTE**: When I typed out "He's unlike anyone I've ever met!!," I said it in my head like a super hero voice or some shit. Some fucked up doctor in a lab trying to explain some test subject.


As far as a doctor & test subject goes, I've been told that I need to go sit on a doctor's couch and tell them my problems. Thing is, I don't have any problems. Ok, wait my bad, let me rephrase that last one. I don't think that I have any problems. I'm sure Freud, Jung & Associates might all look at each other and collectively say, "Geeeeet the fuck out of here!!" I know you all like that law firm looking name. I digress. I just don't think I could sit there and be serious for that hour long session telling someone my thoughts. If they're charging $150+ an hour I'm going to get my damn monies worth. I'll tell them how I didn't get to ride the pony at the fair when I was seven years old and now I'm into horse porn. I go to the zoo to talk to the elephants because they understand me the most. Might push that doctor to early retirement or a new profession. I'd sale cars or some shit. Psychoanalysisnessness on potential car buyers during the process. "Well, you don't want to look at these anyway, so let's just go on over to the coupes." **Ohhhh, they just blinked 4 times in a row, while sucking their teeth and sweating from their nose. I'm going to get the sale!!!** Getting all types of salesperson of the year awards and shit. Anyway, I say all that to say this, one potato, two potato, three potato, four.


Started a new paragraph just because. Why you ask? You don't care, but its not getting graded so yea, I did say all of that because I am not crazy. "My mommy said I'm special!!" Daaaaaaaaah.


**ninja vanish**

Scoob News

Good evening, I'm Anthony J. Scoobington, with WSCB TV.



Mexico City prosecutors said Monday that they arrested two men in connection with the death of Malcolm Shabazz, who was the grandson of political activist Malcolm X. The 28-year-old Shabazz died of blunt force trauma injuries last Thursday. A companion said the dispute involved a bar tab of $1,200. A patron at the bar who spoke on the condition of anonymity told our Mexican affiliate WSCB-GWLA-TV that they heard someone scream out, "Get yo hand out of my pocket!!," before the incident occurred.


Almost three weeks have passed since the garment-factory in Savar, Bangladesh collapsed. The 19 day search for the dead ended on Monday as the last body was found Sunday night bringing the death toll to 1,127. On Monday, the government said it will begin allowing workers to form trade unions without permission from factory owners. Those who said they were mentally scarred by the incident have considered getting into the help desk/customer service field because they believe that they have great "phone voices."


President Barack Obama has done his best to knock down a pair of scandal laced stories Monday, by denouncing that the IRS targeting conservative political groups was "outrageous." The president rebuked the IRS for scrutinizing the tax-exempt status of groups with conservative titles such as "Tea Party" or "Patriot' in their names. As he left the podium the president was overheard saying, "Man this is some bullshit. Fuck the other groups, my bitch Lauryn Hill was about to drop an album!!  The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill is my shit!!!"



From the folks at WSCB have a great evening and stay hydrated.

A Few Things

I'm here, you're here so let's do what we came to do. Well you read & enjoy because since I wrote it I know what all it entails. So you sit and enjoy!!!! Catch up with y'all later.



There was a phone book sitting outside the crib the other day when I got home. If I wasn't 31 I don't think I would of known what it was. Saw teenagers walking past it like it was a pile of orange dog shit. Had the "what theeee fuck" face mixed with the long division face. **GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR** Quickly divide 639186 by 9654 in your head!! See the face you made? That's how they looked. Think I heard one of 'em said they took a pic and were going to put it on Instagram to see if anyone could guess what it was. I was hesitant to pick it up and take it inside. Thought it was some Candid Camera shit. Yes, I said Candid Camera and not Punk'd. Whoa, I caught myself. Almost let the ADHDNESSNESS get me. I karate chopped it right between the "D" & "NESS." SOOOOOOOYYYYYYY!!!! I digress. Just don't see the need for a phone book anymore, unless you need to prop a door open or have a fucked up table leg. If you have a table leg that's fucked up the size of a phone book then I'm gonna just say you might need to invest in a new table. The moral of the story is to stop buying your shit from Ikea. 


There could of been some seguenessness but I would of had to reach and stretch somewhere up there for that shit. So, that won't be happening ladies, gents and goldfish named "Sammy." Jesus....fish....bless. Got it. When someone says, "Bless. You!," after they've been called a "bitch" or some sort derogatory slanderish evil nasty bad name. Its like Kryptonite to ignorant people on some real shit. They're on hold like, "Yea!! I'm gonna tell her ass!! Fuck with me & myyyyyy cable bill and I let you have it!! *-Hello, thank you for calling WEFKU Cable TV. How may I assist you today? --Yea, y'all been charging me for HBO for the last 3 months and I don't even have that shit!! -Well sir, I've pulled up your account and I see that you've --Fuck that shit!! You better credit my account or cut that check!! -Well sir, I can put you in touch with my supervisor and they'll --No bitch!! You're gonna -Have a nice day sir. --Bitch!! -BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU SIR!! He's sitting there like "Wh-wh-why would she said that?? I went to church last Easter!!" His day is shot now because he wasn't ready. But, sadly its the ladies who normally get called the derogatory slanderish evil nasty bad name. If a guy had it happen to him he might be compelled to say, "no homo" afterw--**THUNDER ROLL**..€€€¥¥¥££££..**LIGHTNING CRASHES** It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Wayman Archibald IV!! "Heeeeey there boy!!" 

**RAN|NAR--DOM|MOD--NESS|SSEN**: I hate catching myself being surprised when I find out certain shit still gets made. Its mainly cereals though. You know how you forget shit exists the instant you don't see a commercial for the shit?? I was at my boy's house a few weeks back and he had some Cookie Crisp cereal. I thought the cop finally caught the crook and that was it. Nigga went to jail and the company said fuck it. COOOOOOKKIIIIIE CRIIIIIISP has now turned into DOOOOOON'T RAAAAAAPE ME!! Locked up for taking the cookies. Ooooh wait, you see what I just did there? That was accident, but anyway yea I feel I have to walk down the cereal aisle just to see if some of my childhood shit is there. If the shit I was never able to get is still around I'm going to look at it, shake my head and walk away. I hope no one thought I said I was going to buy that shit. If someone wasn't spending their money go get it for me, why would I use my own? I'll just look at it as they knew what they were doing. Don't look at me like that. Its the RANDOM section, so don't act like you were supposed to read the algorithm for safe nuclear power or some profound shit. Shame on you!!!

A Few Things...

 Ok, sit down. Please, please take your seats. Strap in and hold on tight.


You know you were in a bad area if something happens to you maybe like uummmmm death and people shit on you after they find out where it happened. Someone could get a phone call -*TIME OUT* A "phone call" is when one person uses their phone and dials another person's phone. They then proceed to converse back & forth all without typing any words to each other. That's for the younger generation who think texts are required for everything. *TIME IN* -,and you'd be standing next to them and all you hear is them like, "Oh shit!! No yo!?! Not my nigga!! He got shot?! Where the hell was he?! Where? Oh? Damn. Well that's what his dumb ass gets for being down there. I wouldn't go there in the daytime. Dumb ass. Well aight yo, good look on the call." Now, hopefully whomever got that phone call isn't one of those double story tellers instead of just giving the details. Y'all know what a "double story teller" is though right? They normally are like, "That was Chris that just called me. He told me Keith got shot. I couldn't believe it when he told me. I asked where he was when he got shot. He told he was down _____, and after he told me I couldn't feel sorry for him. I told him I wouldn't go down there in the daytime." You're sitting there like, "Umm yea I was standing next to you. You tapped me on my arm when you were listening & looked me dead in my face the whole time." NO ADHDNESSNESS!!! Ok there was a sprinkle but nothing major!! Anyway, the moral of the story is, don't pipe chicks that live in bad neighborhoods. Daaaaaah.


Chicks with morals is an interesting subject these days. **WAIT! STOP! HALT!**: I knoooow you peeped that transition-nessness from one topic to the next.**BEGIN--SOOOOOOYYY!!** Now, chicks with moralnesses are cool, but--ok wait, wait, wait. I have to stop this one because I was doing this a few days ago and I had to stop. Now, my mind is moving a mile a minute so when I saved it and came back to it later I was like, "What theeee fuck was I about say?!" Had no clue where I was going with it. So, I'll take this time to thank the following people for inspiring me to write these. *Ahem* ______, _______, definitely can't forget ______ because without them I never would get my toenails clipped. Oh shit, I got to shoutout ______ for letting me have sex in their parents hot tub. <----spell _______="" a="" all="" and="" anyway="" because="" but="" can="" caps="" check="" condom.="" condom="" did="" didn="" down="" em="" for="" gallon="" going="" hottub="" how="" i="" in="" is="" its="" just="" know="" let="" like="" little.="" m="" many="" me="" not="" now="" of="" ok="" one="" people="" put="" puuuuurrreeee="" saw="" sex="" shoutout="" skipped="" so="" spell="" stop="" t.="" telling="" that="" the="" this="" to="" two="" was="" water="" wonder="" word="" words.="" you="">ADHDNESSNESS
.

**A-R/D-N/M-O/S-E/S-S**: The other day a friend of mine was getting on their plane. I noticed that I had told them to have a safe trip. Now I realize when people say that, they mean well, as I did, but I thought about it afterwards and I was thinking of nonsense to say back to that. Someone tells you to have a safe trip and it'll click in your mind like, "I'm flying. I'm not the fucking pilot. If I was the pilot and I was drinking or high and you said that then I'm like cool." Shit, the pilot's wife probably tells him to have a safe trip and he's like, "Biiiiitch!! I flew in Vietnam doing 3-4 missions a day and I was high off my ass on heroin. I goooot this!!! You hear me?! Naaaaam!!! I'm going from BWI to Atlanta, not Saigon biiiitch!! And yes I'm high, reaaaaal high!!!"