A Few Things

I'm here, you're here so let's do what we came to do. Well you read & enjoy because since I wrote it I know what all it entails. So you sit and enjoy!!!! Catch up with y'all later.



There was a phone book sitting outside the crib the other day when I got home. If I wasn't 31 I don't think I would of known what it was. Saw teenagers walking past it like it was a pile of orange dog shit. Had the "what theeee fuck" face mixed with the long division face. **GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR** Quickly divide 639186 by 9654 in your head!! See the face you made? That's how they looked. Think I heard one of 'em said they took a pic and were going to put it on Instagram to see if anyone could guess what it was. I was hesitant to pick it up and take it inside. Thought it was some Candid Camera shit. Yes, I said Candid Camera and not Punk'd. Whoa, I caught myself. Almost let the ADHDNESSNESS get me. I karate chopped it right between the "D" & "NESS." SOOOOOOOYYYYYYY!!!! I digress. Just don't see the need for a phone book anymore, unless you need to prop a door open or have a fucked up table leg. If you have a table leg that's fucked up the size of a phone book then I'm gonna just say you might need to invest in a new table. The moral of the story is to stop buying your shit from Ikea. 


There could of been some seguenessness but I would of had to reach and stretch somewhere up there for that shit. So, that won't be happening ladies, gents and goldfish named "Sammy." Jesus....fish....bless. Got it. When someone says, "Bless. You!," after they've been called a "bitch" or some sort derogatory slanderish evil nasty bad name. Its like Kryptonite to ignorant people on some real shit. They're on hold like, "Yea!! I'm gonna tell her ass!! Fuck with me & myyyyyy cable bill and I let you have it!! *-Hello, thank you for calling WEFKU Cable TV. How may I assist you today? --Yea, y'all been charging me for HBO for the last 3 months and I don't even have that shit!! -Well sir, I've pulled up your account and I see that you've --Fuck that shit!! You better credit my account or cut that check!! -Well sir, I can put you in touch with my supervisor and they'll --No bitch!! You're gonna -Have a nice day sir. --Bitch!! -BLESS YOU, BLESS YOU SIR!! He's sitting there like "Wh-wh-why would she said that?? I went to church last Easter!!" His day is shot now because he wasn't ready. But, sadly its the ladies who normally get called the derogatory slanderish evil nasty bad name. If a guy had it happen to him he might be compelled to say, "no homo" afterw--**THUNDER ROLL**..€€€¥¥¥££££..**LIGHTNING CRASHES** It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Wayman Archibald IV!! "Heeeeey there boy!!" 

**RAN|NAR--DOM|MOD--NESS|SSEN**: I hate catching myself being surprised when I find out certain shit still gets made. Its mainly cereals though. You know how you forget shit exists the instant you don't see a commercial for the shit?? I was at my boy's house a few weeks back and he had some Cookie Crisp cereal. I thought the cop finally caught the crook and that was it. Nigga went to jail and the company said fuck it. COOOOOOKKIIIIIE CRIIIIIISP has now turned into DOOOOOON'T RAAAAAAPE ME!! Locked up for taking the cookies. Ooooh wait, you see what I just did there? That was accident, but anyway yea I feel I have to walk down the cereal aisle just to see if some of my childhood shit is there. If the shit I was never able to get is still around I'm going to look at it, shake my head and walk away. I hope no one thought I said I was going to buy that shit. If someone wasn't spending their money go get it for me, why would I use my own? I'll just look at it as they knew what they were doing. Don't look at me like that. Its the RANDOM section, so don't act like you were supposed to read the algorithm for safe nuclear power or some profound shit. Shame on you!!!

A Few Things...

 Ok, sit down. Please, please take your seats. Strap in and hold on tight.


You know you were in a bad area if something happens to you maybe like uummmmm death and people shit on you after they find out where it happened. Someone could get a phone call -*TIME OUT* A "phone call" is when one person uses their phone and dials another person's phone. They then proceed to converse back & forth all without typing any words to each other. That's for the younger generation who think texts are required for everything. *TIME IN* -,and you'd be standing next to them and all you hear is them like, "Oh shit!! No yo!?! Not my nigga!! He got shot?! Where the hell was he?! Where? Oh? Damn. Well that's what his dumb ass gets for being down there. I wouldn't go there in the daytime. Dumb ass. Well aight yo, good look on the call." Now, hopefully whomever got that phone call isn't one of those double story tellers instead of just giving the details. Y'all know what a "double story teller" is though right? They normally are like, "That was Chris that just called me. He told me Keith got shot. I couldn't believe it when he told me. I asked where he was when he got shot. He told he was down _____, and after he told me I couldn't feel sorry for him. I told him I wouldn't go down there in the daytime." You're sitting there like, "Umm yea I was standing next to you. You tapped me on my arm when you were listening & looked me dead in my face the whole time." NO ADHDNESSNESS!!! Ok there was a sprinkle but nothing major!! Anyway, the moral of the story is, don't pipe chicks that live in bad neighborhoods. Daaaaaah.


Chicks with morals is an interesting subject these days. **WAIT! STOP! HALT!**: I knoooow you peeped that transition-nessness from one topic to the next.**BEGIN--SOOOOOOYYY!!** Now, chicks with moralnesses are cool, but--ok wait, wait, wait. I have to stop this one because I was doing this a few days ago and I had to stop. Now, my mind is moving a mile a minute so when I saved it and came back to it later I was like, "What theeee fuck was I about say?!" Had no clue where I was going with it. So, I'll take this time to thank the following people for inspiring me to write these. *Ahem* ______, _______, definitely can't forget ______ because without them I never would get my toenails clipped. Oh shit, I got to shoutout ______ for letting me have sex in their parents hot tub. <----spell _______="" a="" all="" and="" anyway="" because="" but="" can="" caps="" check="" condom.="" condom="" did="" didn="" down="" em="" for="" gallon="" going="" hottub="" how="" i="" in="" is="" its="" just="" know="" let="" like="" little.="" m="" many="" me="" not="" now="" of="" ok="" one="" people="" put="" puuuuurrreeee="" saw="" sex="" shoutout="" skipped="" so="" spell="" stop="" t.="" telling="" that="" the="" this="" to="" two="" was="" water="" wonder="" word="" words.="" you="">ADHDNESSNESS
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**A-R/D-N/M-O/S-E/S-S**: The other day a friend of mine was getting on their plane. I noticed that I had told them to have a safe trip. Now I realize when people say that, they mean well, as I did, but I thought about it afterwards and I was thinking of nonsense to say back to that. Someone tells you to have a safe trip and it'll click in your mind like, "I'm flying. I'm not the fucking pilot. If I was the pilot and I was drinking or high and you said that then I'm like cool." Shit, the pilot's wife probably tells him to have a safe trip and he's like, "Biiiiitch!! I flew in Vietnam doing 3-4 missions a day and I was high off my ass on heroin. I goooot this!!! You hear me?! Naaaaam!!! I'm going from BWI to Atlanta, not Saigon biiiitch!! And yes I'm high, reaaaaal high!!!"