Good evening, I'm Anthony J. Scoobington, with WSCB TV.
Playboy founder and legendary ladies man Hugh Hefner has passed away at the age of 91. The magazine said he was surrounded by loved ones and “peacefully passed away...from natural causes at his home." An orgy will be held immediately following the funeral.
At a press briefing yesterday afternoon, U.S. President Donald Trump attempted to explain why Sudan was not included in the latest version of his travel ban, which restricts entry to America for nationals of eight countries. A White House rep who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us here at WSCB that Trump said, "Sudan reminded him of the word 'SEDAN,' and if people buy cars made in America it would help make his campaign slogan about making America great again seem somewhat true."
Less than 48 hours removed from Republicans admitting defeat on their last, best chance to repeal & replace the Affordable Care Act, the President spent much of yesterday arguing that the votes are there to pass the legislation. He was quoted saying "We have the votes for health care." A source who also spoke on the condition of anonymity told us here at WSCB that Trump was overheard saying to an aide, "I technically didn't have enough votes to win the Presidential election and you see how that went!!"
From the folks at WSCB have a great evening and stay hydrated.
Thursday, September 28, 2017
Thursday, May 18, 2017
A Few Things
Saw someone mention "bro rompers" on a status, and there were several comments about it. Theeeeeen I saw another status talking about "bro rompers" as well. My lack of being around the "in crowd" made me take to the innawebs to get googly with it. Yes, I said "innawebs" & "get googly with it." Don't act like you didn't jokingly dance, didn't head nod or didn't actually dance when Will Smith's "Getting Jiggy Wit it" came on. Shit, I was humming the melody to the song whilst I typed "get googly with it." Sadly I said, "Na na na na na na na" aloud when I got to the end of the sentence. I know, I'm sorry. No, I'm not sorry actually. Hmph. ADHDNESSNESS has come & gone, maybe. Anywaaaaaay, like I was saying before y'all bombarded me with requests for Will Smith songs like I'm a dj, I got googly with it and saw a picture of the aforementioned "bro rompers." Whaaaaat type of so called "man" would wear something like that? Like, maybe as part of a Halloween costume, but it's one thing to think you're stylish & another to not know, you look like a jackass.
Speaking of jackass, sike naw. Just wanted to look like I had some segueness going on. Alas, I did not, but kind of makes you all look like jackasses for anticipating that there might be. Ooooh it might be. Anyway, I was just going to confess that in the last topic, if that's what you want to call it, I had a little trouble spelling a word. No, you don't need to know the word either. Buuut, it made me want to confess something else. *DRUM ROLL* Whenever I struggle spelling a word, and my phone gives me some options that give me the "Long Division in your Head Look," while I go get googly with it (Na na na na na na) and the results come back as "NIGGA WHAT WORD WERE YOUUUUU TRYING TO SPELL?," I will reconstruct my whole sentence. It'll go from thesis paper to 3rd grade book report with the quicknessness.
RAN-DOM--NESS---NESS: I used quotation marks 10 times up above. So technically that's forty apostrophes, right? (10 x 2) x 2, right? I'm not Marcus Davis so I wouldn't know. Anyway, so you think the quotation marks try to shit on the apostrophes? Like, "--You know whenever they use me, it has to be twice! You only are good for contractions. Here let me show you...you ain't shit! --Well it takes TWO of me to make ONE of you! So you AIN'T shit without me, biiiiiitch!"
Speaking of jackass, sike naw. Just wanted to look like I had some segueness going on. Alas, I did not, but kind of makes you all look like jackasses for anticipating that there might be. Ooooh it might be. Anyway, I was just going to confess that in the last topic, if that's what you want to call it, I had a little trouble spelling a word. No, you don't need to know the word either. Buuut, it made me want to confess something else. *DRUM ROLL* Whenever I struggle spelling a word, and my phone gives me some options that give me the "Long Division in your Head Look," while I go get googly with it (Na na na na na na) and the results come back as "NIGGA WHAT WORD WERE YOUUUUU TRYING TO SPELL?," I will reconstruct my whole sentence. It'll go from thesis paper to 3rd grade book report with the quicknessness.
RAN-DOM--NESS---NESS: I used quotation marks 10 times up above. So technically that's forty apostrophes, right? (10 x 2) x 2, right? I'm not Marcus Davis so I wouldn't know. Anyway, so you think the quotation marks try to shit on the apostrophes? Like, "--You know whenever they use me, it has to be twice! You only are good for contractions. Here let me show you...you ain't shit! --Well it takes TWO of me to make ONE of you! So you AIN'T shit without me, biiiiiitch!"
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
Scoob News
Good evening, I'm Anthony J. Scoobington, with WSCB TV.
Thieves broke into the Bode Museum in Berlin before dawn Monday and escaped with a 221lb gold coin worth millions. They apparently entered through a window, broke into a cabinet where the "Big Maple Leaf" coin was kept. The coin, is in the Guinness Book of Records for its purity of gold, would be worth almost $4.5 million at market prices because of its weight. Four testicles were found on the scene, so police are staking out area hospitals believing the thieves lost them whilst picking up the heavy object.
Michigan and the city of Flint have agreed to replace at least 18,000 lead or galvanized-steel home water lines by 2020 a sweeping deal to settle a lawsuit over lead-contaminated water in the city. A court filing Monday says the state will pay $87 million with state & federal money. The settlement is pending approval from a federal judge in Detroit today. A source who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us here at WSCB they heard a court official saying, "I know niggers bathe a lot, but they probably just want the clean water to make Kool Aid."
An avalanche killed 7 high school students & their instructor during field trip in Japan. The students were taking part in a mountain climbing lesson when the avalanche occurred, along with students from seven other schools. The region has received heavy snow over the past two days and avalanche warnings remain in effect. From our Asian affiliate WSUK, correspondent Jane Sukpipe, "People are trying to find out the true identity of the 7 students because they are believed to have not submitted permission slips, as well as getting on the bus thinking they were going to roast marshmallows teriyaki style & learn to ski with Samurai swords."
From the folks at WSCB have a great evening and stay hydrated.
Thieves broke into the Bode Museum in Berlin before dawn Monday and escaped with a 221lb gold coin worth millions. They apparently entered through a window, broke into a cabinet where the "Big Maple Leaf" coin was kept. The coin, is in the Guinness Book of Records for its purity of gold, would be worth almost $4.5 million at market prices because of its weight. Four testicles were found on the scene, so police are staking out area hospitals believing the thieves lost them whilst picking up the heavy object.
Michigan and the city of Flint have agreed to replace at least 18,000 lead or galvanized-steel home water lines by 2020 a sweeping deal to settle a lawsuit over lead-contaminated water in the city. A court filing Monday says the state will pay $87 million with state & federal money. The settlement is pending approval from a federal judge in Detroit today. A source who spoke on the condition of anonymity told us here at WSCB they heard a court official saying, "I know niggers bathe a lot, but they probably just want the clean water to make Kool Aid."
An avalanche killed 7 high school students & their instructor during field trip in Japan. The students were taking part in a mountain climbing lesson when the avalanche occurred, along with students from seven other schools. The region has received heavy snow over the past two days and avalanche warnings remain in effect. From our Asian affiliate WSUK, correspondent Jane Sukpipe, "People are trying to find out the true identity of the 7 students because they are believed to have not submitted permission slips, as well as getting on the bus thinking they were going to roast marshmallows teriyaki style & learn to ski with Samurai swords."
From the folks at WSCB have a great evening and stay hydrated.
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