Thursday, March 29, 2012

A FEW THINGS...

Can we talk about love for a second? On some real shit I love bitches and pussy. I wonder how many people saw the word "bitches" before they got to that part skipped ahead. Take your ass back up there!! NOW!! I shouldn't of done all caps there because they'll either skip straight to it or skim because they say "bitches" and the an all caps word. Couldn't type the all caps word again because they might skip or skim again. Wait, shit, it happened again. Y'all and that damn ADHDNESSNESS!! Where were we anyway? Oh yea, my love for bitches and pussy. Now, I've never had a dog, but I grew up with a cat in the house. Grandmother had a dog that I loved. Wait, y'all knew I was talking about female dogs and cats right? I wonder if you would love your pets as much as you do now if they could talk. Like, you know how dogs wake you up by jumping on the bed or some shit. Cats meow when they're hungry or something. Dog comes in the room, "Yo!! Yo!! Let me out. Wait, let's go for a walk. I need mark my territory so more. Whoooaaa!! Why are you putting on your Under Armour outfit? I didn't say anything about running!! Man, please!! Let's go for a drive or something!" What about your cat? You put some food in their dish and they meow a few times. They tell you that they really to talk to you. Like, "Hey before you leave can you ju--," you cut them off like, "Awww you're such a pretty kitty. I'm going to work now. See you later!" You get home and there they are waiting to talk. -"Soooo, you shit in the living room. What's that about? -"I told you we needed to talk!! My liter box is aaaaall fucked up!!" -"How about this?! I'm getting the newspaper!!" -"Meow! Meow!" -"Oooh so now it's meow? You know what? I'm definitely getting the newspaper!" -"WAIT! WAIT!" -"Oh you know how to speak again. Hmph!! You know what, fuck it, I'm going to just have a kid or something!!"



Kids? Semen to egg to kid. Did I mention something about a kid in the last thingness?! I believe I did. Looks like we, yes "we" because we're in this together, just had ourselves a moment of segueness!! Anyway, you know how kids piss during their slumber. Usually starts off in the diaper and then they get older and just piss in the bed. You know how we get older and we get that piss dream? You know the dream I'm talking about. When you're having a good little sleep and then it starts. You're floating along a beautiful river and the next thing you know, there's a huge waterfall and you magically end up in a bathroom ready to piss. Your brain gets on some shit like, WAKE UP!! YO!! YOOO!!!! GET UP AND GO PISS!! Now, to those that never had that piss dream experience, you now know the deal. Ask your co-workers or family members. My thing is, I never had a shit dream. Do they make shit dreams? Are they really out there?? Like, you wouldn't think it to be real even if you did have a shit dream. You'd fuck around and question yourself during the dream. "Naw. There's no way I could be having a shit dream. They don't exist. Meanwhile you're with Willy Wonka at the chocolate factory and he starts singing and shit, 'Puuuuure imagination!!'" After you ask him if you're having a shit dream instead of looking for ever lasting gobstopper, he looks at you and tell you how much he loves chocolate and Oompa Loompas. While all that is going on, your brain in the meantime is like, "I'm not waking him up. I want to see if he'll really shit himself." Brain signals down to the ass muscles. **Open torpedo hatch and prepare to fire** Wake up with a turd in your bed. DAMN YOU WILLY WOOOONNKKAAAA!!!


**ERSSEMDONASNSN**<----Word Scramble!!: Row row row your boat. Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily merrily merrily. Life is but a dream. Is that a slave master to the slave song? If you're gonna row that shit you damn sure better be merry. You want that ass whipped?! Be merry!! Be merry jiggaboo!!! Got damn!!

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

A FEW THINGS...

Sit down, shut up and read...................................................


You know how you're driving and you see those bumper stickers talking about they're a "proud parent" because their child made the honor roll. You know the ones I'm talking about right? What? You haven't? Must be a lifetime MTA pass holder without any intention of getting in a car. Everyone point at them real quick. Ok, back to focusing on me. Wait, why are we talking about the MTA? Shit!! Damn ADHDnessness!! Bumper stickers? Well I don't like them mainly because I'm not a fan of bumper stickers. Makes the car looks tacky to me. Put their damn report card on the fridge. How do I know you didn't steal that bumper sticker? Your neighbors see your car like, "She have a kid we don't know about, because I know she's not talking about Jimmy's little ass. He thought his name was Megatron for 2 years, but stopped thinking it was because he couldn't spell it." They also have those "My child beat up your honor student" stickers. Now, I ask you this, what happens to the parents who have kids that are dumb and can't fight? Parents out vandalize cars telling with those bumper stickers I mentioned earlier. I'm not typing it out again so go scroll up and look. I wonder if "I'm not typing it out again so go scroll up and look" has the same amount of characters as the bumper stickers I mentioned?? I'm still not telling!! It's not a game around here!! I made the honor roll and I can fight!! WOOF!! WOOF!!

Speaking of game, oh yes, SEGUENESSNESS!!!! Yes, you know you missed it!! It's been a long time. Wait, shit, I remember now. Games. I know it wasn't a complete sentence, so shut up. Game shows can do you dirty if you think about it. You win trips and shit but it's like always for two. If you're single and fucking with a few chicks, the heat is on. You're getting calls from chicks that haven't been on the roster for like a year talking some, "Hey, how you been doing?" You're like I'm cool and you're thinking someone told her I was on a TV show because her ass was too damn dumb to be watching Wheel of Fortune. Yes, to those wondering that's the game I would want to be on. I'm nice with the word puzzlenesses. I digress. You also start to worry that if you go dolo will you find a bitch that you can fuck. Every single dude that would go on a vacay thinks that. I'm not breaking any man laws here because come on y'all, they know shit!! Thing is that no one wants to bring sand to the beach but if you go to some nice exotic place and get no ass you're away for 5 days without getting any strange!! You're thinking you should of just taken the second to newest chick. Oh well, hope you bought a souvenir or some shit.

**RANDOMNESS|SSENSSENMODNAR**: Snitching. The word snitch just sounds soooo fucking bad. Like, "That motherfucker Jimmy got pinched and they made him snitch!" Soon as they hear it, Jimmy's ass has got to go!!! If it wasn't a verb off the break I don't think people would care really. See, the word "informant" is smoother. The word "inform" is a verb but the word "informant" is a noun. Not used as a verb from the get go. Not like how your parents would take a noun and turn it into a verb by saying some nonsense like, "I'll cookie your ass!!," when you ask for a cookie and shit. You're informing but no one reaaaaally sweats it, mainly because it just sounds so, Websterish. "That motherfucker Jimmy got pinched and they turned him in an informant." Niggas don't even want to get at yo that hard anymore. "Oh damn, an informant?! Never thought I'd see the day. Thought he was tough! Informant or not he was always hard and will always be hard in my eyes. Oh, no homo." **THUNDER ROLL**..€€€¥¥¥££££..**

LIGHTNING CRASHES** It's a bird, it's a plane, no it's Wayman Archibald IV!! "Heeeeey there boy!!" AAAAAHHHHH!!