10/5

The Reverend Scoobicus J. Bang will be presiding over the congregation, this eveeeening. Well will start the service off with the humor offering. Give to my plate, and I'll give to yours....and everythaaaang this evening. HA-LAY-LOO-JAAAAAAH...


1) Y'all remember those episodes of Geraldo when he would have those "Is it a He or She" episodes? We used to go on lunch around that time and just die laughing. I could usually spot 'em, buuuut the one's you weren't too sure about, you obeyed that golden rule: "If in doubt keep your mouth shut." Sad thing is, that there was always that one guy who didn't know of that rule, and would just be sitting there running his mouth. "Daaaaaaamn shorty is bad!!"-Turns out to be a guy, talking some, "Hi, I'm James, professional cross dresser." -OR- "That nigga is crazy! He doesn't look nowhere as good as them other dudes do in their make up!! I ain't no faggie or nothing, but, you know what I mean, right?" -Ends up being a woman who gets that all the time. After that day you look at yo a little differently. He walks into the bathroom while you're pissing, and you try to hurry up. Forcing ya piss out. "Hey man, you trying to go grab some drinks after work?" -"Aww naw man I'm good. I got a little chippy coming over tonight. Thanks though" Knowing daaaaaaamn well, you and the co-workers that you don't doubt are already headed out. "If in doubt, keep ya mouth shut."



2) Anybody not bang with spiders? Granted they help keep the insect population in the world down, but there's something I can't get with. Like, why do they have to have 8 legs? 2 more than normal insects, and like 2 more eyes. Really?! I'm just not a fan. Also, not a fan of those new stink bugs. Those bitches are everywhere. They're from Asia, so I know they got off a supply boat at some port. Talking about,"Oh shiiiiiit!! I think we out number the people here. No more 1 billion people to compete with, and we can at least get on Google over here. Damn Communists!!" Them shits fly too, poorly. See them running into shit. I saw one of them things get stuck in a spider's web, and the spider asked the bug, "What set you claim?!?" The stink bug said, "Chinese Mafia", real calm and cool, and the spider let him go. True story!! I saw it with my own two eyes!!! Haters!!



3) True story. Anyone ever asked you a question out of the ordinary, but it had a simple answer, and you treated it like it was complicated ass question?? Shit happened to me Saturday, when my sister Gia and I were at Macy's in Towson. I was getting a wedding present off the registry, and when I got to the counter shorty was asking if I wanted my name to be on the gift receipt. So, I gave her my name........then it happened!!! *DUN DUN DUUUUN* After I gave her my last name, she said,"One or two T's?" That fuuuuucked me all up. I looked at Gia with the "Is she serious?!?" face. Gia looked back at me with the "She can't be serious!!" face. The cashier had me hurt though. I become dumb for a second. I actually spelled my last name out in my head. I'm in front of the register like, "Huh? Oh um"<----that bought me just enough time to spell out, "H-U-N-T-E-R" in my head. Almost pulled my license out to double check my shit. Don't let people bring you down to their level of dumbnessness with their trickery!!!


We shall have the peace, fios, and musical offerings before getting out of here y'all. AAAANNNND EVERYTHAAAANG THIS EVENIIIING!!!