What's good family? "When I was a little biddy boy. My grandma bought me a cute little toy. Two silver bells on a string. She told me it was my ding-a-ling-a-ling......."

1) I saw awhile ago that down in DC high schools they were giving out condoms. I was like wooooow. People were saying it promoted sex, opposed to promoting SAFE sex. If they're going to do it, I say they give out Ultra sensitive condoms. If you're younger and haven't laid pipe like that or haven't at all, those things will put your ass on embarrassment status. For example, I was low in the count, and there were some rebeats about to happen.....my boy let me hold a jimmy hatness. Saw "Ultra Sensitive" but I didn't think twice about it. Ummm I took longer putting the hatness on than I was in the punnaannnyyy. My f*cking left foot fell off, pinky finger on right hand started leaking Kool-Aid. That's how intense that shit was. So, these young lads in high school will probably get the blues. You all know girls talk, essspppeeecially in high school. Dudes would be so ashamed they might wait a little longer and focus on the books more. Seeing shorty on Monday, you put your head down, and mumble some, "Hey Renee." Her and her girls on that, *snicker chuckle snicker*, "Hey James." *snicker snort chuckle snicker* I'm juuuuuust saying.

2) Speeeaaaaaaaaking of sex, the subject of losing one's virginity at work. I was saying to them that it's different for both sexes. FEMALES: It's normally a "taking" or a "losing" process. "I cared about him, so I let him take my virginity to him." -OR- " Yes, that's the guy I lost my virginity too." I can dig it though. A dude is going inside of your body, so I can see where the pickinessness comes from. Might be different nowadays, because there are a lot of little smeezes running around. In the words of Momma Hunter, "fluzee"<----I went phonetic like shit with that one. I was over here like "f-f-f-flu-flu-cee-no no-see-no no-zee, ah yes, fluzee" Anyway, like I said its a "taking" or a "losing" process. MALES: Shit, is toooootally different. Ours is more of a "giving" process. If we could hand that shit to a female we would. "Excuse me miss, here is my virginity. Thank you." No sweat off our backs. Like putting change in the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas. Don't even think twice about it, you just do it. Later down the road we can say, "Yea I lost my virginity to _____." That's not a convo that comes up too often between dudes. The convo would consist of a story about the first time shit went down. "Man, I was in there and I didn't know it was going to be like that!! I'm ready to do it again." You think about everything you saw in some ummm "Adult Films." Like I said the other day, "The first time you have sex with a new female, it's like auditioning for a role in a movie." You want those rebeats. Take her back to the deep jungles of Mozampenis for a safari. HIIIIYYOOOO!! You definitely can't let her know you're a virgin, unless you both lose that V-Card together....Awwww, how gay?? Sweet!! I digress. I lost/gave mine to the neighborhood smeeze. "Ahh yes, here you are ma'am." She didn't know!!! HA!! SUCCESS!! Daaaaaah

3) Anyone ever find a friend or family members porn stash? Whether its a book, a magazine, or a movie you just geek, like "Let me find out, they got some freaky shit up in here. Damn shame. Ol' nasty ass!!" Naturally you have to take a gander. Hey, call yourself a hypocrite later. Shit, you know, just see what they were looking at, since that shit was in a shoebox in the back of the closet, under a blanket, that had a gym bag full of bricks. Who knows why your ass was in the closet, but you uncovered that treasure. It was only right. If it was a movie though , you know shit was on VHS. So, if you wanted to sneak a peek you had to be real slick about it. Put that clock counter on, so you know exactly where the movie was. Damn all that trying to remember what scene it was on. You rewind to see what you missed, and fast forward to see what's going to come. *BA-DAH-DOM* Anybody? Nobody? Damn. Forget y'all then. However, if you find the stash at a young age it's slightly intimidating. You sitting there looking at a magazine or a worse off a movie. You're looking on the screen like, "Whaaaat the fuuuuck?!?" You, look down at ya shit, like, "awww damn!! I got a rough road ahead of me!!" That is until you give that V-Card away, and you learn some info. Daaaaaaah.


Well, enough about sex, sweaty, nasty, Haitian butt oil, nasty, nasty, gymnastic, nasty nasty sex. Perverts!!! It's raining out so make sure you put on those raincoats. *BA-DAH-DOM* Nobody? F*ck. Bye!!