9/28

Chello ladies, gentlemen, and those without manners. Allow me to dumb it down for a taste. What's good motherf*ckas?!?! Daaaaaah




1) You know there are two skills I wish I had. I wish I could sing aaaaand be able to play the piano. Massive amounts of snuzz can come from just one, so can you imagine if you could do both? Shiiiit, I'd be carrying around a little Casio "hustle 'n' flow"esque keyboard with me. Only problem with singing you have to be careful with song content. You get on that candle light love making, hours upon hours of hot sweatinessness. Get that hit song, get some groupie love, you have to THROW IT DOWN EVERY SINGLE TIME!!!! If you don't you have to suffer those repercussions. "Girl, he sings all that lovey dovey stuff and can't even lay any pipe!!" You're best bet is to be ugly and sing that stuff. "Girl his songs get me all hot and bothered, but he's ugly as hell!!" So, if the groupies test the waters, they wouldn't want to tell about it. Juuuuussst saaaayyiiinnnngg........




2) One thing you have to do, is never speak on your bedroom skills, talents, escapades to someone you are trying to take white water rafting on your kayak. You know, take them on a safari to the deep jungles of Mozampenis. You build all that hype up, and it might be the time you just don't have it. Like, unnecessary pressure is never a good look. You know when you get that newnessness, it's like auditioning for a movie roll. If you don't perform up to par, you won't get that call back. NO REBEATS!!! -"Girl, remember that guy I met at that party last week? We've been talking on the phone all week, and he gets me soooo wet from talking that talk. I'm going to go over there this weekend, and see what it's all about!!" -"I hear that!!! Call me as sooooon as you get home." -"Giiiiiirrrlll!!!!' -"HOW WAS IT?!?!?!" -"This negro took longer getting the condom out, and putting it on then he was in the pussy!!!" -"Oh damn!! Well could he eat?!?!" -"I wouldn't know, because he didn't. Just kissed my inner thigh and said something about him having a paper cut on his lip. He texted me 12 times since I left, saying he had a long day at work!!" -"So what now??!?!" -"I just left my ex's house. He knows just how I like it!!!" *Slave voice* Don't tells nobody wha chu gone do!!



3) Speaking of not telling anyone something. Ummmm those Twix commercials, ummm errr aaahhh. You all know the ones I'm talking about right? You know when someone says, something stupid, and another person asks, "What do you mean by that?!" and the person pulls out a Twix. I would smack that shit out right out of their hand. -"I don't know why Scooby's wife had on white at the wedding!! Ha ha ha!!" -"Hey Keith, what did you mean my wife shouldn't of had white on at our wedding??' *Keith pulls out Twix* tick tock tick tock *Scooby smacks Twix from Keith's hand* "What the f*ck did you mean she shouldn't of worn white?!?! You got something to say?? Huh?!? Huh?!?!" Don't let the media fool you people. There will be that time, that you come across THAT guy. Daaaaaaah

3 strikes. I'm out.

BYYYAAAAAAHHHHHHHH